Why our 4th grader might be smarter than our 5th grader

*July post for Yahoo Mother Boards.

As I mentioned last month, one post per month will be on a topic provided by Yahoo Mother Boards. This month, they've asked us to explore the idea of summer learning, the research that states our kids can lose as much as 2 months' worth of learning in the summer months, and how we as mothers handle this.

It reminded me of what I would say in response to those who would talk about the show "Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader?" The show is successful, and the adults sometimes not, because we have become a nation of test takers.

Back in the '90s, we were actually debating the merits of standardized testing, and whether or not these tests were an accurate measure of the quality of our child's education (guess where I'd come down in that debate).

Then we had No Child Left Behind. And it seemed like everyone gave up on fighting this fight.

Now, we have sites like GreatSchools.net that tell us how well the neighborhood school, or the nearby charter school that we're considering, did in last year's testing. I've read many articles in the LA Times questioning the value of charter schools because some of them don't have high test scores.

I'm sorry, but what happened to wondering what the test scores tell us?

The test scores tell us how well our kids can take a test. They do not tell us anything about how much they retain.

From my own learning experience, I was never the *best* test-taker, but I wasn't the worst, either. I took my share of AP classes and other advanced English classes for most of my academic career. But I can't answer a good amount of questions on that TV show, either.

I can, however, tell you the three federal branches of government. 2/3 of Americans cannot.

I can tell you that in my own education, I've retained more when I had to write about it than any scantron test I've taken.

I can express myself at least well enough so that you know how I feel about gay marriage, but I can't say that I remember the exact years of World War I. But really, beyond possibly winning some money on a game show, I can't say that not knowing has cost me much.

My point (and I do have one) is this: I don't care so much if Riley goes into 4th grade not remembering what she did the last two months of 3rd grade for a few reasons.

I'm not sure how much they actually got done in May and June. May was testing month, and in the two to three weeks of testing, they generally didn't have homework and didn't have a lot of new things they were learning (yet another strike against standardized testing, if you ask me: it shortens the already too short school year). In June, there were special events, and short attention spans. And I can't even remember what I worked on in June, so how can I really expect the same of Riley?

The second reason is, it doesn't matter. Within the first few weeks, there will be assessment testing in her class (which will most likely be a mixture of two different grades, thanks to the budget cuts in CA), and she will be put in a reading group that most closely matches her level, and I don't even know how they're going to work having 30 different students that each have their own level (and speed) of learning.

Which is another reason it doesn't matter: even if Riley herself doesn't lose two months' worth of learning, some students will and some students will have lost less and some students will have lost more. There's going to be some degree of either catch-up or slow-down for every student in that class of fourth and/or third and/or fifth graders.

So as a parent, I'm more concerned (and frustrated and exasperated) at the state of our education system as a whole than a couple of months at the beginning or end of the year.

I understand that parental involvement is key in my children's education; I'd just like to see some involvement from the education system, too.

I honestly forgot about this meme

MindyMom awarded me the lovely HonestScrap award, which comes with instructions to list 10 honest things about yourself. Part of me wonders if this implies that I've been less than honest in my other posts, but all I can do is assure you that I have! I'd completely forgotten about it, and haven't really come up with anything yet so let's see how this goes, shall we?

1. My latest fantasy is that President Obama asks me to participate in a single parents presidential task force. Seems my West Wing habit is getting out of hand!

2. Okay, I haven't told anyone this. I think I'm embarrassed about spending the money on it (I just piled it onto the credit card debt). I purchased the e-cigarette. I've only tried it a few times, and I can't decide if it's going to work for me or not. I love the concept, but the contraption gets too hot in my hand after a few puffs. And I think I need the cartridges that include nicotine because every time I "smoke" it, I need to have a cigarette afterward!

3. I'm 5'3". I used to be 5'2 3/4" but that just sounded stupid, so I'm glad I finally grew that 1/4"!

4. My memory sucks. There was one friend on Facebook that I knew I knew, but it took me forever to figure out just how I knew them! I mean, months. Embarrassing, but true.

5. I might feel a little guilt about this, but I can't get worked up about the elephants at the circus. So I took the girls to the circus.



And you can read my review at Examiner.

6. I told the girls they're not allowed to utter the name "Michael Jackson" ever again. That's how over it I am. Yes, he was a great musician. Sad that he died. I'm over it.

7. I tend to want to spend money like it's burning a hole in my pocket the most when I have the least. My finances are spread really tight over the summer, what with the extra costs in child care and yet what do I do? See #2. It's like when I see that I'm over the edge, I just want to jump over it already.

8. Writing that, it occurs to me that it's the part of me that's still self-destructive. For the most part, I've curbed that behavior, but I think this is where it still plays out for me.

9. As much as I want marriage equality for all, part of me is thrilled that I still have an excellent excuse to boycott weddings.

10. In response to my LA Moms post, Childhood Dreams and their parents' realities, hotmamamia asked my opinion on baby beauty contests. My answer is that I just don't get it. I don't understand telling girls at such a young age that they need make-up, hair extensions and fake eyelashes to be beautiful. I participated in plenty of talent competitions when I was young, but they were just that: talent competitions. I won by singing well, or lost because someone sang better than me. Other than looking professional, and wearing enough make-up to not have my face completely wash-out on stage, I didn't think about my appearance. And not being beautiful actually helped me land some roles that were my absolute favorites to play, like Gloria in Wait Until Dark. I would encourage any mother who wants to see their child shine on stage to absolutely let them audition for their local children's theatre group rather than enter them into a beauty contest!

And I now bestow this award to these bloggers (forgive me if you've already been awarded):

Kori
Jenna Byrd
FreedomFirst
Jenn at Random Thoughts

July 6, 2009 (or: can't think of a title)

*Updated with pics

We went to my sister's for the 4th, and had a really nice time. We swam, we ate, drank, talked, laughed, visited with family, and played poker. Sylvia's getting pretty good! She won a couple of hands, as did I, so we both got back more than the buy-in. Yay!


Sylvia giving me a ride.

Sylvia told me that when the Club had Casino Night a few months ago, she was the only girl who knew how to play blackjack and poker! That's my girl :)

Oh, yeah, and we saw fireworks. We took the time out and all, but I have to say, even my girls seem over it. The girls wanted to go back in the pool, I wanted to go in the jacuzzi, and most everyone else wanted to eat. Are we terribly jaded? Yeah, whatever.

The girls on my cousin's bike:





My latest LA Moms post is up - it's about childhood stardom, if that intrigues you at all to stop by and say hello. Also, a few posts up at Examiner, but they're pretty local-centric. Single parents, please help me find topics for Examiner! What are your burning questions? Do you have a piece of advice that you're dying to share? Please email me: admccaffery at gmail.

Hope everyone (well, the Americans anyway) had a happy 4th!

Late Weekend Wrap-Up

I am hopeful that a week from now, my home DSL problems will be a thing of the past. I finally broke down and called ATT again this weekend, and they said it's definitely a line issue so they're sending someone out next Monday. In the meantime, I am still infuriatingly without internet access at home so please forgive me for all the posts of yours that I haven't read.

We had a really, really great weekend. It didn't go as expected. My parents were supposed to take the girls for a weekend vacation, but because of my dad's health issues, that got postponed. I'd already requested Friday off for a vacation day, so I went ahead and took the girls to Disneyland instead.

We had the best time! Sometimes when we go, it feels like we spent all day there and maybe went on 5 rides, but this time we went on tons of rides (oops, sorry, attractions) plus they played and we got chill time. It was also an historic visit since Sylvia was tall enough this time to drive her own car at Autopia! Riley and I had the car behind her, and I must say, I was pretty impressed with her abilities. She said she loved it, especially since she had a little bag with her that she put beside her on the passenger side (just like I put my purse), and she felt like a Mom.

We stayed until nearly midnight, and little Riley could barely walk up to the apartment when we got home. She's too big for me to carry anymore, so I had to wake her, but she was falling all over herself like she was drunk! It would've been funnier if she weren't so pathetic-looking.

The rest of the weekend, we had no plans, and we had a nice balanced :) weekend of housework, relaxation, and family time.

My dad is doing much better, but we're still frustrated since we still don't know what was wrong with him in the first place. We're hoping that the blood tests he took with his regular doctor yesterday will yield some answers...hoping, but our expectations are reasonably low.

I'll have some pics to post after my DSL issues get settled (IF they get settled).

Oh, and to back up a little, our weekend actually started on Thursday with Sylvia's award ceremony. Through a contest at the Club, Sylvia won 2nd place (out of about 25 entries) for an art contest! Not sure if I should name the sponsoring company or not, but let's just say it was a network known for animation, and they had 3 professional animators judge the work so it was quite an honor for her! I hope to be able to post her pic with her winning entry later this week.

So even though my X is a prick (and thanks, all, for your support in that!), he still can't ruin this family.

My X is a prick

There's just no other way to say it. Well, I can think of a few other choice words, but I'll stick with prick for now.

I'm not even sure how much I wrote about this earlier in the year, but his relationship with the girls has been basically weekend phone calls for the past couple of years, with a few visits thrown in here and there. Earlier this year, before Valentine's Day to be more exact (because the girls specifically remember him not calling on that day), he stopped calling. I finally called his mom, found out that he was no longer living there, and no one knew where he was.

When he re-appeared in April, I was done. Sylvia was getting back into therapy, my child support case against him had just been closed (since they could never find him), and his spotty, unpredictable, and undependable presence in their lives was just causing all of us more pain than we deserved. So I forbade him from speaking to them.

Sylvia took it pretty well. She'd had a really tough time with his latest disappearance, and I think she was relieved that I'd set the boundaries.

But 3 1/2 weeks ago, she asked if she could speak to him. After talking it over with her therapist, we decided that phone calls would be okay. Her therapist and I are both aware that the phone calls will most likely stop again, but at least she would BE in therapy and we'd have some tools and resources for handling it.

So I let the girls call their dad that Sunday. He promised them that he would call every Sunday. He managed to call on Father's Day. And three weeks into it, he didn't call this Sunday.

We were home, my cell was on...no missed calls. To make it even worse, Sylvia's taking on the blame since he gave her his number and she didn't call him. It's SO not right for her to feel any culpability in this, and I didn't even mention to her the chances that the number he gave her is probably no good anymore. His cell phone services rarely last more than 24 hours.

It pisses me off SO much. I don't understand why he can't even live up to the simple responsibility of knowing when it's Sunday and picking up a phone.

I can understand not paying child support. A drug addict rarely has money. I can understand not being able to live up to the conditions so that he can have visitation; it involves WORK on his part. But not being able to pick up a phone? That's just being a selfish prick.

And on TOP of that, he actually gave me crap for not letting him talk to the girls for two months. Claiming to be their father, that he has rights. His one - ONE - responsibility that I actually hoped he would live up to for at least 2 months (8 phone calls), he couldn't do. Must the girls keep their expectations of their father so low?

It's just so not fair. They're amazing little girls. They live up to responsibilities I give them every day. They're loving and funny and fun. And they've made it extraordinarily easy for him to make them happy. All he has to do is call once a week. Why does he choose to break their hearts instead? Really, how does a man do that? And claim to be a parent.

What a prick.

Oh, look: Blog Fodder

Again, it's been forever and there are too many unread posts in my Reader. Seriously, one of these days I'll remember how to be a good blogger, but I don't think it'll be soon.

After a lovely Father's Day with my dad, a few days later he was in the hospital. At first, we thought he may have had a heart attack, but it all turned out to be a false alarm - phew! He had an angiogram which showed his heart is in great shape! He's home now and resting. The doctors recommended that my dad stop taking his cholesterol medication, Zoloft, as it's known to break down muscles and make you weaker (which was my dad's chief complaint). I'm passing this on so anyone else who needs to know can be made aware. He'll be seeing his primary doctor next week, and we all hope he's back to normal within the next few days.

Besides that, work has been busy and life is just going along. So there hasn't been much to say, lately!

Thankfully, Kori came to my rescue (as usual) and tagged me for a meme:

1. What is your current obsession? This song sung by the lovely Stephanie J Block from 9 to 5: the Musical called "Get Out and Stay Out." Unfortunately, I can't buy it on iTunes yet so I just keep going to youtube to listen to it. (Florinda, remember this?)

2. What is your weirdest obsession? Probably that I can't have my hair any shorter than the length of my neck. Yes, it's my security blanket, and I'm okay with that!

3. Recall a fond childhood memory?
Our first trip to New York. We saw Les Miz on Broadway just a few months after it opened, and from the 2nd row!

4. What’s for dinner? Hamburgers from DreamDinners. Sylvia made them last time - I hope I can talk her into doing it again tonight.

5. What would you eat for your last meal? I think I'd prefer chorizo and eggs.

6. What’s the last thing you bought? A new cable for my DSL connection. It did not help matters. I'd rather not talk about it, thanks.

7. What are you listening to right now? "Black and Blue" from Ain't Misbehavin'. Gotta love iPod's shuffle feature.

8. What do you think of the person who tagged you? Kori knows I love her, she's my best friend, and I really really want to meet her one day!

9.If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished, anywhere in the world, where would it be? Right here in Burbank. Okay, the drivers drive me crazy, but it's only for a 5-minute commute. And yeah, it's the Valley, but I've grown accustomed to it here.

10.If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go? I'm quite fond of my sister's jacuzzi.

11. Which language do you want to learn? I still wish I knew Spanish better than I do.

12. What’s your favorite quote (for now)? Since "for now" is in the question, all I can think of is my favorite line from Avenue Q: "except for death and paying taxes, everything in life is only for now."

13.What is your favorite color? Red. And Black.

14. What is your favorite piece of clothing in your own wardrobe? I love this brown sweater that I bought a year or so ago. I love sweaters, jackets of varying amounts of coverage and warmth.

15. What is your dream job? Another favorite line is by Sondheim: "it's not so much do what you like as it is that you like what you do." I have the greatest boss in the world, and if I did what I'm doing now for the rest of my life, I would totally be okay with that.

16.What’s your favorite magazine? If I were more, well, not ME, I would say my New Yorker. But I am so I have to go with Entertainment Weekly.

17. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on? I would put it towards what I'm coveting right now: the e-cigarette. I really want that!

18. Describe your personal style? Lots and lots of black. Black pants, black sweaters, black shoes. It's just so much easier.

19. What are you going to do after this? Get some lunch from the commissary. Another good line? I was watching an old Boston Legal the other night, and William Shatner said, "no matter what, you always get to choose what you have for lunch." I can't stop thinking of that this week, and smiling.

20.What are your favorite films? All About Eve, West Side Story, Fargo, Desk Set.

21. What’s your favorite fruit? Strawberry.

22.What inspires you? Many, many people.

23. Your favorite books? It really depends on my mood.

24. Do you collect anything? I used to collect Playbills, but it got lost in the move back to L.A. I'm trying to start again, but it's a pretty pathetic pile right now. Can't wait for that trip to NY!

25. Any advice that’s come from bitter experience? Don’t waste your time trying to figure out the why behind "everything happens for a reason."

26. What makes you follow a blog? Above all else, honesty. A person can write about anything, but if I feel like I really KNOW this person through their words, then I don't really care what they write about specifically. And I like it when bloggers don't try to pigeon themselves to only talk about parenting. Or politics. Or any one subject. I find it interesting to learn why people think the way they do because of their own personal experiences. So the bigger the variety, the more I can come to feel like I really know - and care - about someone.

Kori couldn't remember any rules beyond tagging four other people. So, I will tag Shiona, LittleMansMom, pisceshanna, and SingleMomMindy. And, as Kori said, if you don’t want to do it, that’s okay; I love you all anyway!

It's been how long since I've posted?

Wow, I can't believe I haven't written here in a week. And of course, I'm very behind on my Reader again. My internet connection at home is, well, nearly dead. I'm working on it, but it's not fixed yet.

Things are busy, but good.

Last night, I got to meet a lot of fellow Examiners at a get-together, which was really fun! The site is growing at an astonishing rate - it's in the top 200 sites in the world. Pretty exciting, and humbling to be a part of it. (If you haven't visited me there in a while, I did manage to get a few new articles up.)

I also just barely made the deadline on getting my latest LA Moms post up.

I'd like to give a special Father's Day greeting to a few great dads out there:

BusyDad: Not only an obviously devoted and loving father, but a very funny and talented writer. I hope you have a great Father's Day!

Jeff at View from the Cloud: From the moment I read your post on Ralph Nader, I've been a devoted fan. Congrats on your latest accomplishments with your new album, and enjoy your well-deserved Father's Day!

XBox: You're going to be a daddy, yay!

And to all the single mothers out there who play the role of both parents, Happy Father's Day to you, too!