CableGirl started the great concept of Flashback Friday that I've been participating in for a whopping 3 weeks now (including this post), but I don't know if I should continue after today. Thinking about the past is really hard for me.
It's a family trait. We prefer to forget and move on. It's a defense mechanism to avoid the pain. Denial isn't always a bad thing.
I know I've had 4 good ideas about what to post today - but then the memory loss kicks in and I can't remember what they were! And then I start thinking about stuff that no one would want to re-live; getting a phone call at work from your husband that we've been evicted and he's going to jail, being a very literal SAHM because the car got "stolen" (which I doubt, but never knew for sure) and having no $$ to do anything that involves walking outside of the house (in Pittsburgh, in the winter - I'm a California girl), getting phone calls from creditors you didn't even know you had...good times, huh?
Childhood should be easier, but it's not. It reminds me of all the things I thought my life was going to be that just didn't come to fruition. Regret sucks.
Yep, denial is much easier. Living in the moment, and trying to plan for the future is much healthier for me.
However, I did find one thing to post about which isn't completely depressing, and an accomplishment of which I'm quite proud. My college graduation.
It really shouldn't have taken as long as it did. But, as we all know, life happens. First, I got a recurring role on a TV series fresh out of high school. When that got canceled, I was trying too hard to get another gig to take the time out for college. Then, I got incredibly involved in my theatre community and just didn't see the value. Then kids, trying to make my marriage work, blah blah blah...
Finally, after a year of being settled into a job and single motherhood, I decided it was time. I wanted to give myself the chance to start thinking about careers rather than mere jobs, and I knew it wouldn't happen without that degree.
I'd had a few starts and stops up to then, so I was almost halfway there. I joked that it would take me 10 years to complete the degree, but at least I was getting there, 2 classes at a time. I ended up finishing in 2 years.
Part of that was because of the school I chose. Antioch University Los Angeles is set up for people to do while working a full-time job; they don't even accept incoming freshman. Because it's geared towards working adults, they also have opportunities for you to get college credit for your real-world experiences. You can also do extra work for an extra credit in the classes you're taking.
Classes met once a week, so I could take classes 2 nights a week, and/or on Saturdays as a part-time student. My parents were awesome about watching the girls for me on those nights, and I could focus on school while knowing that my girls were being loved and well cared for in my absence. I'd study and do homework while my girls were doing theirs.
I really loved going to school. Antioch (if you haven't heard) is one of the foremost liberal arts schools around, and of course, that aspect really made the experience all the more fulfilling for me. They don't give tests, but rather you write papers for all the classes. Clearly, that fit me perfectly! And surprisingly enough, I remember more facts from what I learned at Antioch than at any other school I attended.
And in June 2006, I wore that cap and gown. And I pulled my daughters out of school to be there, and they cheered and clapped like I'd won an Oscar.
I've never done things conventionally. However, nothing could have served our family better than for me to wait until being 30-something years old and having my girls as my cheering section on that day. That's something I'll never regret.