Wednesday, March 12, 2008

My Weakest Point

This whole condo thing is bringing to light my very weakest point - not being able to cope with not having control over the situation. I really, really hate that.

The thing is, there are no moves for me to make at this point in time. It probably went on the market just in the past couple of days, and given the market, it would be financially stupid to make an offer, even if I had the funds to do so. Make 'em wait, make 'em sweat. That's the smart move.

It's hard for me because I'm not good at waiting. I have very little patience (and all of it is currently being used being a mom right now), and I hate limbo. I want to know. I want it all sorted out. But this thing won't be sorted out for a few months, at least.

Yesterday's post was very maudlin, and full of self-pity, I realize. Part of it was also poking fun at myself, but it probably didn't come across that way.

I will get through this, I know. We will get through this. I'm not a big believer in "everything happens for a reason," but I know I can get through almost anything. My girls are healthy. And smart and funny and kind and loving.

But it still feels like I've been hit. I know as well as anyone that stuff happens to people all the time. I know that life is just a journey through problems and times of calm. I knew there'd be more problems ahead. It's my own fault for not seeing that our home could be vulnerable.

Thank you all for the advice and the support. It means a lot to me. I can't just brush away the dark cloud hanging over me right now, but maybe I can learn to live with it a little easier, and come out a more patient, less controlling person. To be continued...

6 comments:

The Immoral Matriarch said...

I'm sorry that all this is being piled on you. You're right though - you'll get through it.

abrightfuture said...

I'm sorry things are so tough right now.

I can completely relate to the feeling on needed some sense of control in your own life though. I thought I understood this before, but becoming a single om has brought this to a whole new level.

Just know we're all thinking about you and hoping it gets better soon!

Keep us posted...

Tara R. said...

It is always the 'not knowing' that's the worst. Good luck and hopefully life will have an upturn for you all very soon. Fingers crossed.

Kori said...

Patience sucks. Not knowing sucks. Not having control is the worst.

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

April, huge hugs to you and the girls. I hope that whatever happens, it will be a ray of sunshine.

Huckdoll said...

You seem like such a strong woman - a fighter. This will be stressful, but you will do it!