I think I'm finally starting to feel like writing again.
This past week was, for the most part, peaceful. There was enough to do at work so it wasn't completely boring, and our boss thinks we'll get busier this month, which is practically reason to celebrate! I haven't been too concerned about my job, but of course, given the economy, I've certainly paused and wondered. I am, without a job, totally screwed. The raise in rent means that I've basically put no money away in months, and savings was a thing of the past about a year ago. So, while I've been trying to find ways to cut down my expenditures (and haven't been too successful -after all, the girls still need food, and Sylvia can't seem to stop growing!), the necessity of a job - well, it can't be stressed enough. And I know that nothing is certain, but it's better in the long run for me to just stop worrying already, and just hold on to the hope that he's given us that our jobs aren't going anywhere. For now, at least.
I've been off since New Year's Eve, and the girls and I have been both productive and lazy. New Year's Eve itself was uneventful. The girls fell asleep around 10, and I watched my West Wing reruns that I'm currently hooked on, and went to bed soon after the ball dropped. We did a big cleaning of their room on Friday. And we've played a lot of "Whoonu," this game we were given as a present. It is pretty fun. You try and guess the other family members' most favorite things on the cards dealt (things like sailboats and mayonnaise). Sylvia and I got a great laugh out of the cards we discarded for Riley as four of my favorite things: coffee, Starbucks, talking politics, and online shopping! (No, I'm not a shopaholic but I did most of my Xmas shopping online since I hate malls.) And we are learning things about each other. Like I wasn't sure whether or not to pick musicals for Riley. I know I love musicals, and that Sylvia loves musicals, but did she actually love them as well? She gave an unqualified yes!
Yesterday, we went to a family member's graduation party. SUCH good food! Tacos, rice, bean dips galore, and they'd rented this really awesome Margarita machine that looks like a slurpee machine from 7-11. The girls had a great time playing with their cousins.
But I confess, there's been a layer of melancholy that's been with me for most of the week. Some of it is caused by some of the events that have occurred lately. The Santa massacre that left 12 orphans who will have the memories of this Christmas Eve to contend with the rest of their lives. The tragedy of John Travolta's son's death - I'm not a big fan of his, but I can't help but feel sympathy, especially for the sister who has lost her brother. The Israeli/Hamas "conflict." And relatives of bloggers who are suffering. And friends of friends of friends. All of this forced merriment that doesn't stop the pain and suffering; indeed, seems to compound it.
And then there's my own crap. I look around and see all the things that I still need to do. Just everyday life stuff that never ends seems overwhelming right now, and all I want to do is sit on my couch and knit and watch West Wing reruns. Next week, it's back to fighting with Riley about homework, picking up Sylvia from cheerleading, and no time for fun until the weekends.
But then I watched "Waitress" last night. At one point, the lead character asks another, "are you happy?" And his basic answer is, "happy enough." And a light bulb went off in my head. I have a job I enjoy, co-workers I love to see every day, two girls who are for the most part happy and healthy, friends that mean the world to me, a roof over my head, and reasons to smile and laugh every day. Yeah, that's enough. I'm happy enough.