Friday, March 13, 2009

Deadbeat Dads Don't Die

Because then, you might be able to get their Social Security money.

Deadbeats don't get jobs because then you'd be able to get their wages garnished.

Deadbeats don't mind going to jail because then they have food and shelter paid for by YOUR tax dollars.

Deadbeats disappear so that then the child support services can close the case for "lack of information."

Deadbeats make your kids miserable so you can spend $400 a month on therapy - ironically, the same amount you're owed in child support a month.

Deadbeats like irony.

Deadbeats lie to their kids.

Deadbeats can't die because then your kids would be grieving, and the therapy would be even more expensive than the Social Security payments.

Deadbeats will hand your 11-year-old daughter cash so that they can appear to be living up to their obligations, and then it's up to you to tell your daughter that the amount she's been carrying around is a mere hundredth of the fraction that the deadbeat actually owes.

Deadbeats make you look like the irresponsible parent when you can't pay for the supplies for the school projects because you haven't gotten your state tax refund yet. And you've shelled out all your cash for therapy.

Deadbeat dads make it nearly impossible to heed the "expert" advice of not talking negatively about your ex in front of the kids because if you say anything good about said deadbeat, you're lying to your kids.

There's a website out there called supportkids.com that basically acts as your personal agent to trying to collect the past due child support. However, even if your ex decides to hand cash to your 11-year-old daughter, they get a percentage. (Has anyone out there had success with this organization? If so, please tell me about it!)

Deadbeat dads should be forced into slave labor. It's the only possible solution that might actually lead to results.

70 comments:

Ms Crazy Princess said...

Ugh, ain't it the truth. I hate deadbeat dads. :(

MindyMom said...

Deadbeat dads are all that and more.

In my case, he walks around pretending he's a caring father while bashing me and rarely seeing his daughter. I get child support every month, but I had to pay twice as much in legal fees to get him to pay it. He flies to CA to visit his g/f but wont pay a dime toward preschool the year before Kindergarten. And forget child care. But to anyone who will listen he claims to be father of the year. And has the gonads to claim I'M an unfit parent (like how would HE know?)and tell ME he "is deeply concerned for the welfare" of our daughter! Then pay for her preschool you shmuck!

Sorry, I don't like DBD's much.

Suzie said...

Good idea

pisceshanna said...

You know I'm 100% behind on this one. After everything I've experienced, I almost lost it last night when my own daughter said "You're being mean to daddy!" How am I supposed to speak positively about him when this happens???
AHHHHH

Mama Smurf said...

The title should be "deadbeat sperm donor"...that is NOT a dad. Makes me want to vomit.

Julia@SometimesLucid said...

Deadbeat dads should be publicly flogged! All parents SHOULD live up to their obligations.

There's a great line in one of Chris Rock's comedy specials. It's of a dad proudly saying "I take care of my kids". Kid rock replies, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO".

Kori said...

Rock on; you know I agree 100%. And love you.

Tara R. said...

You speak a truth that all should hear. Sometimes I think I should go to my dad now and ask for all the unpaid child support he never gave my mom when I was younger.

Shiona said...

I'm with you here. I only hope J's dad doesn't turn into one of these. As my own dad was one...

hotmamamia said...

Yes.

Kaylen said...

My sons deadbeat dad has repeated for a decade that it is MY fault that he hasn't been in his sons life much because I chose to move away to go to college.
I did go to college---it was a decade ago. And yet, it's still my fault.
I used to beg him to call every Sunday-make it a Sunday morning routine. Instead, he adopted this attitude of: when he's with you, I won't bother him. When he's with me, you won't bother him.

And then he refused to give me his new number when he moved and told me I wasn't allowed to talk to our six yr old when he was visiting him for a week.

I actually had to take him to court to make him give me a number. The judge warned ME about making excessive phone calls and felt the need to make sure I understood reasonable times to call. Sigh - nothing worse than a bitter "fathers rights" judge.

Florinda said...

I feel for you and the girls, and appreciate that my stepkids have a pretty good situation with their own father.

(Only $400 per month in support? That seems wrong on a number of levels beyond the fact that you're not actually RECEIVING it. My husband is paying almost 3 times that to his ex each month AND he has physical custody 40% of the time.)

Elizabeth said...

I feel for you. My own BIL is a deadbeat dad and my SIL could have written what you have.

Laura said...

Deadbeat dads do not deserve to be treated with the respect a responsible parents deserves. They do not deserve for their children to think of them in any better terms than how they treat their children. Why, why should a child value a father when he doesn't value her?

Deadbeat dads, I can't think of a punishment to be given to a man who is worthless, perhaps that he should understand how truly worthless he is.

Kids Needs Dads? said...

The giving of the cells needed to bring a new life into this world does not automatically guarantee that you have the privilege of seeing that life to adulthood. Many of these men seem to forget that.

It's too bad deadbeat dads do not seem to understand this concept.

Cherri said...

I have been thinking, since my childs father decided to move to Spain and start a new life there, not telling anyone except his soon to be newest ex-wife that he left in Texas. I shoul dbe able to collect his Social Security. Seriously, I will never know if he dies, he has not called or seen our son since Feb 2008 and he could be dead in another country. If we hold these dads accountable, take the SSI benefits he would be garnished when we are 65 and my son will be in his 30's then maybe we could help get parents off the welfare system.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Eumaios said...

Hey, I heard you censor comments. Is this true?

April said...

Censorship is an extremely strong word. I have deleted comments that are pure advertising and have nothing to do with this blog. And I reserve my right to edit my own personal blog as I see fit. Having said that, if you'll look around, you'll find plenty of thoughtful discussion and respectful disagreements. In order to understand my story with my X, I urge you to read the X Chronicles http://formerlyaprildawn.blogspot.com/2009/08/x-chronicles.html

Asher said...

On the other hand, you chose to have children with this man, when there are plenty of other men out there who would've made great, loving fathers. I personally have seen women select complete scumbags, and then wonder why they aren't great fathers. Alternatively, I've seen women pick meek, not terribly exciting guys, get bored with them and then leave them for smooth-talking low-lifes.

Forgive me for not having much sympathy for you, because from my personal anecdotal observations, most women who complain about DBDs only have themselves to blame.

April said...

I'm not asking for sympathy, thanks. And by raising my children, I have taken full responsibility for my actions. And the responsibility for explaining the situation to my kids.

None of that, however, negates the legal and moral responsibility that he has to provide support to his children. He signed paperwork agreeing to that responsibility and he hasn't come through. I obviously am making do without it, but that doesn't make it right.

Oekedulleke said...

Good thing slavery is not only a crime in just about every country in the world, but its also considered a crime against humanity.

The complete lack of morality aside, this display of hatred, contempt and absolute entitlement is proof enough that any man should stay the hell away from marriage and single mothers.

April said...

Oekedulleke - I agree. This single mom would not marry you under any circumstances, nor would I wish you on any of my single mom friends.
And btw, not paying child support is also against the law.

Oekedulleke said...

Not paying rent or not making payements on a loan is also illegal, but neither of these will land you in jail. Failing to pay child support for a month can :-)

You wouldn't wish me on any of your single friends ? Hahahaha, nice. Considering marrying you would equate to slavery in your mind I wouldn't wish you on anyone either.

Nat said...

Asher - Let me guess; You also believe a woman deserves to be raped because she wears a short skirt? I mean, she made the choice to wear that skirt, it's her own damn fault, right?

April made the choice to marry a dbd, so it's her own fault.

What else do you blame on women?

You guys are making yourselves look like total assholes.

(And by guys, I mean those of you here, who feel like it's ok to bully a woman because she's had a bad experience with a man and is talking about it. My ex, who I happen to be friends with, would never resort to such behavior.)

April said...

And I made the point in this post that going to jail doesn't solve anything, either.

I'm really not sure what point you're trying to make here, other than deadbeats should not be held responsible. All I can say is, I wholeheartedly disagree.

Oekedulleke said...

If a guy is given the choice of jail or paying his ex, and he choses jail that's his business.

You're calling for inhumane treatment of those who say "fine, lock me up, I don't have anything to lose anymore anyway"

Jail still punishes those who can't or won't pay up, but thats not enough for someone like you, as you demonstrate. You literally think that the marriage contract makes you some sort of de facto owner of your ex. Owning another human being and forcing them to work for you is not only illegal, its immoral. Yet you see nothing wrong with calling for forced slave labor, and many seem to agree with you and applaud you.

It should shock and disgust most decent human beings. Sadly, it doesn't surprise me anymore, but it sure still disgusts me.

April said...

You actually thought I was serious about slave labor? OMG, that's priceless! This post was a RANT. That I wrote MONTHS ago when I found out that the county was closing my case for lack of information. (I'm in the process of getting it re-opened now.)

And if the issue were punishment, that'd be a different story.

Child support, however, is NOT about punishment, but about providing what's best for the kids.

Oekedulleke said...

Hahaha, a classic and very expected response, a cop out.

"OMG, you thought I really meant what I actually wrote down ? I was just ranting a bit"

Although you will ofcourse vehemently deny everything now that I have exposed the complete immorality of what you wrote down, I know you really think that jail is too light a sentence for your 'deadbeat dads'.

Responses like "I'm 100% behind this one" - "Deadbeat dads should be publicly flogged" and "You speak the truth that all should hear" Show that you and your 'friends' wouldn't see anything wrong with a law forcing slave labor for those who fail to pay child support. You wouldn't lift a finger if such a bill where ever proposed, because you just live the idea.

More proof of this is ofcourse that you don't see anything wrong with sending deadbeat dads to prison, even if its just for 5K or 10K. And this while EVERY other form of debt is protected from this punishment.

Kori said...

I am torn between outrage and amusement. The amusement of course stems from the fact that people are clearly taking the rant about slave labor ans turning it into the one item in this post about which they can complain. Please; let's get serious here.

The outrage stems from the fact that men will support deadbeat dads when they know absolutely nothing about the situation, simply because it is a fellow man. Sure, it was April's choice to get married and have children with him. It didn't work out for a lot of reasons, and she also made the choice to leave in order to see better for herself and her children. So X made the choice to abandon his children emotionally and financially, and THAT is somehow April's fault? I fail to see how her choices in any way caused him to make the choices he did. And I will add in here that I have no doubt that April went into her marriage and her motherhood with only the highest hopes for the future-just like any of us did. I also don't doubt that each one of her children were conceived in love, with again, the highest hopes. However, things changed, and HE changed, and I would bet money that April stayed far longer than a lot of people would have because of those high hopes. I dont imagine that she woke up one morening and said, "I sure hope this person I used to love so much turns into a deadbeat and doesn't pay his child support or see his daughters regualarly; wouldn't THAT be fun?" No, I would imagine that she hoped that he would at least maintain the relationship with his girls, and provide the financial support ordered by the courts (which in reality is but a drop in the bucket compared to how much it truly costs to raise children). He didn't, and still doesn't, which is a choise he made. And how much against human nature does THAT go? How cruel and inhumane are men who father children willingly, then seemingly forget that they have any kind of responsiblity to them? And why is it that April is seen as the one at fault, why is it that she is being held accountable for doing the right thing by her children and HE isn't? I shake my head.

I am behind April 1000% in this; I have an ex like that, too. By the same token, and I believe that April is also on the same page, we do not blame all men for the actions of our ex's. We believe in father's rights as much as you do. However, with those rights come certain responsibilities; the men we used to be married to don't seem to get that. From what I have seen, both in my own life and in the lives of others, men who maintain a relationship with their children tend to pay child support, men who choose to distance themselves from said children don't. How is any of that April's fault? And of course there are women who are deadbeats, too; should they have all of the rights you want men to have, even when they are clearly not parents?

I say, when these deadbeats stand up and remember that they have children, when they remember how it took two people to create said children, and then when they decide to be an active part of their children's lives, THEN they can have their rights. Until then, they can piss and moan to people like the above commenters about how unjustly they have been treated, and in the meantime, well, we single moms? WE have work to do.

Kaylen said...

April you can just ignore this commenter.
It is either a deadbeat dad or someone who is married to one. It is obviously someone who has no insight.
There is no defense for a deadbeat dad - none.
Game over.
Rant away-it is your blog and there are a TON of us with the same situation, the same issues, the same deadbeat dads breaking their kids heart daily.

April said...

You're absolutely right that the people actually raising their kids, in spite of the lack of support from deadbeats, are very frustrated.

It's not about too light a sentence or too harsh, it's about the fact that putting deadbeats in jail does NOT put food on our tables. It does not help us pay for child care. It does not pay for our health insurance. It does not pay for the new shoes our kids need. Or the supplies for their latest school project. Or the uniform costs.

Raising children costs money. Putting X in jail only guarantees that my children won't be getting the money they're DUE.

Your comment about entitlement said it all, really. You don't seem to get that I'm speaking FOR my children. That I'm their ONLY advocate.

You can call me whatever you like, but you cannot convince me that my children don't deserve $400 a month from their father.

Kaylen said...

Oh - and my ex was AMAZING with my nephew, who lived with me while we was dating for TWO years. My nephew LOVED that man like he was the best cotton candy in all the land. By all appearances, he had some very STRONG fatherly qualities that would lend me to believe that he would be one of the greatest dads of all times.

However, marry a man, have a baby with him, and then help him realize that life is not all fun and games and happy trails to the beach - and suddenly, he's a bitter aging delinquent and it is not a predictable outcome for all people.

Nobody in my family would have ever expected my ex would be a deadbeat dad (not speaking just financially) by the way we all knew him over a two-year period.

Kaylen said...

ha - and I just said "we was dating" - which doesn't lend true to my intelligence, so by our new vocal commenters stance will probably be to reject my statements...just as we should know upfront from day one that our mates will turn out bad?

Saying that we chose to marry this person means nothing in regards to how someone will turn out over a long period of time! You cannot predict human behavior.

Oekedulleke said...

Kori-"and then when they decide to be an active part of their children's lives, THEN they can have their rights."

Thats the part I have a problem with, YOU don't get to decide when another human being loses his rights. And thinking that you do speaks volumes.

Kaylen-"There is no defense for a deadbeat dad - none."

Perhaps not in your individual case, but many deadbeat dads go to jail because they lose their job and simply can't afford to pay the child support anymore. If a divorced man loses his job and gets 600$ in unemployement benefits, and his payement of 400$ is not lowered (which sometimes takes 6 months or more, after which it can ofcourse already be too late) he has to live on 200 a month. Its easy to see why someone would rather go to jail.

I don't claim to know the individual cases, but I do know the statistics. Women initiate divorce 70% of the time, and get custody of the children in the vast majority of divorces. The recession has hit men disproportionatly hard. Its no surprise more and more are falling behind on their child support payements. A single mother may need 400$ for her kids, but if her ex doesn't have a job anymore, nothing is going to make those 400$ appear. And thinking that forced labor is a solution is just stupid.

Anonymous said...

It is a well-known fact that women are just as likely, if not more likely, to be deadbeats as men.

So what about Deadbeat Moms? Should they be in slavery too?

You harpies have no idea how incredibly Nazi-like you have become : advocating slavery of another gender only because you want to mooch off of a hard-working man.

Anonymous said...
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April said...

You should take the time to get to know more about the individual cases, really. Because this problem should NOT be a men vs women/fathers vs mothers problem, but it should be about what's best for the kids.
You don't know me well enough to know that a story I saw on the news about the amount of college-educated homeless men because of the economy haunts me. It does.
But what also haunts me is the knowledge that X only takes jobs where he gets paid under the table so that he won't have to pay out child support. You don't know that X, at 48, lives with his parents and doesn't have any bills to speak of, while STILL not paying child support.
In the examples that you mention, I would not consider those deadbeats. Those are people caught in an unfortunate situation. If X had been paying faithfully, even a fraction of what he owed, but still accepting responsibility, I wouldn't consider him a deadbeat.
But that's not the case.
And the majority of people that supported this post know people in similar situations.
As far as what Kori said, you don't know her struggle, either. You don't know how hard it's been on her family to know that this particular man refuses to even acknowledge his son. You haven't read the heartbreaking letter from Kori's son, telling my daughter that he had a nightmare his father was trying to kill him.
I honestly don't know what the answer is. I know that you can't squeeze blood from a turnip, I know that I'm screwed financially right now from my child care costs quadrupling in the summertime. I know that most of us are simply trying to do our best. And to know that there are some that are not...it's heartbreaking and frustrating and very, very upsetting.

Anonymous said...

"This single mom would not marry you under any circumstances, nor would I wish you on any of my single mom friends."

You seem to think anyone wants to date a single mom. They don't. Single moms are damaged goods that no man wants, and after the age of 35, her beauty has withered away.

No wonder such women want the Government to be her man. Pathetic.

Child-support laws are grossly unfair, and a naked attempt by anti-male feminists to steal a man's hard-earned money. The woman does not spend it on the child, she spends it on her own selfish indulgances. The woman is the real deadbeat here.

No wonder men are avoiding marriage - women are no longer ladies.

Anonymous said...
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Kori said...

If a man loses a job, he is somehow exempt from having to pay for his kids, but if a woman does, she still has to figure out a way to feed and clothe her kids; where is the equality in that?

I stand by my initial comment, that until they start being active in their children's lives, they can't complain about rights. My children, April's children, the children of every deadbeat PARENT, female or male, have the right to have the love and financial support of both parents-even when they don't live with both of them. These children have the right to call two places home, and have two parents who love them and support them emotionally. By choosing the deadbeat path, these parents (and again, this goes for parents of both genders), these people are denying their children the very basic rights as well. Again, how is that fair or right? You say it isn't "my" decision to say who loses his rights, so tell me, why is it okay for a deadbeat parent to take away the rights of his children? And really, what kind of a loser fuckwad abandons his kids and then cries about it? Seriously! HE made the choice to leave his kids essentially fatherless; April's ex, my ex, the exes of LOTS of people I know, so no, I haven't got a bit of sympathy for him or his so called rights. If he can't act like a man and be a parent, then he has no business crying to pople like you who will defend him until death.

And while I can't and won't speak for everyone, I will say that in my case, when my ex WAS part of his son's life, he still rarely, if ever, paid child support. Did that make me happy? No; did I still let him see his son? You bet I did, becuase it is important. However, HE chose to walk away; why is it that I should in any way think that is okay? YOU are trying to make this all about we bitter, entitled women, and we are trying to make it about our KIDS.

And again, I have seen men who have been honest and capable and loving with their children, even after divorce. The kind of men who would say, "Oh my god, I just lost my job and Iam on unemployemnt and I can only send you a little bit this month," and then they DO it-and every woman I know would be glad that he was still trying to take care of his obligations. The kinds of men who end up in jail because of their unpaid child support are not the guys who temporarily hit hard times or lost their jobs or whatever; they are the guys who consistently and repeatedly renege on their obligations.

Anonymous said...
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April said...

Just to clarify, my comments above have been directed in reply to Oekedulleke, and I appreciate your getting past the earlier attack mode for a thoughtful discussion on the topic.

Kaylen said...
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Anonymous said...
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Oekedulleke said...

Thx April, I'm a pretty reasonable guy, but I do stand on the other side of the coin. I see all the men who get the raw end of the deal when they divorce. And the unfair treatment they get in divorce court.

The slave labor thing got to me because imo its such an important part of our western civilisation that we don't accept it under any circumstances.

Not to mention that its the very thing feminists claim they have been fighting for so long, and its not only ironic but hypocritical to see slave labor as a sollution.

I know its a rant, but I do feel the need to speak out against it. Certainly all the "you go girl" comments needed a bit of a counter.


As for the anonymous commenter: its one thing to strongly disagree with someone. Its another when you're trolling like that.

I can understand you have strong feelings about these topics, hell so do I. But without a certain degree of civility, you'll never get anywhere.

And then again, this is the interwebz.

April said...

Accuse me of censorship all you like, I will not allow certain words to appear on this site that can turn up in a google search later! So I've deleted certain comments that are just plain nasty.
Believe me, I've gotten the counter before. Not long after this post, I wrote an article elsewhere that netted 102 comments! Since then, I've chosen my words more carefully.
But I maintain, this isn't a male/female issue for ME. Yes, I'm guilty of using the more common vernacular. Yes, I know of more deadbeat dads than moms, but I have tried to make it clear that my feelings on the subject are from my OWN personal experience. If your experience is different, than by all means, share, and fight for what's right for YOUR children. Still, I have NEVER sought out single dads on the web for the sole purpose of blaming them for my problems with my X. And yet, I have had this type of reaction twice now, and seen others go through it, too. I just don't see that as productive.
But I'm always willing to have a healthy debate about the best solutions to these types of problems.
Thanks again!

Tongs said...

This article has analyzed the April McCaffrety pro-slavery article :

http://www.the-spearhead.com/2009/10/05/theyre-calling-for-slavery-now/

The basic question is, if women are seeking to ENSLAVE a man that SHE has abandoned against his will, that is the cruelist injustice, and greatly compromises any claim to morality that women throught they had. Period.

Kori said...

Hi there, Anonymous, I am the harpie (I didn't know people even used that word anymore!) who wrote that, not Arpil. And although most of the rest of us, while obviously feeling emotional abotu the subject, are still managing to carry on a reasonable, if heated, debate. You, however, seem to have degenerated into some kind of insane rambling, and instead of hurting us all, you are truly making us laugh. Well-me. You are making me laugh.

And damn, *this* harpie wishes she could have had a Mexican pool boy with whom she could have had sex. That would certainly have sweetened up the divorce proceedings, no?

I joke, but htis is clearly a very sensitive subject for most of us; And while I can't help but get peeved because I have been where April has been, I can also understand that there are, perhaps, reasons for some people to be so upset at us. I just want to assert here that April nor I (and many, many other women) can and do attempt to differentiate deadbeat dads from divorced dads' not every father who does not live with his children is a deadbeat. I would ask, then, the some of you open your minds to accept that we are not like every woman you know who took her ex to the cleaners. We are all unique individuals with unique situations, and please don't assume we are ALL like the women you know, and we will try to do the same.

Harpie. Sorry, that is still making me chuckle.

Kori said...

Bah. Sorry. I can't spell, clearly.

April said...

Tongs, thanks for pointing this out! I was wondering why the hub-bub about something I wrote back in March!
I left my husband because he's a drug addict.
I'm not sure that there's ever a situation involving humanity (and, more specifically, male and female relationships) that has such a strong black and white "period" at the end of it as you imply.

Anonymous said...

"I left my husband because he's a drug addict. "

I doubt it. Why would you marry such a person if that were true?

Plus, if that is true, why would you expect money from him? As an addict, he would naturally be broke and might die soon.

Sorry, but your blame-shifting doesn't pass the smell test.

It is fundamentally unfair for the person who leaves to expect money from the person who was abandoned. Period.

April said...

Again, you're framing the issue as if it's he against she. It's not. Child support is supposed to be about what's best for the children, not who left whom.

Tongs said...

Child support is supposed to be about what's best for the children, not who left whom.

Dead wrong. What is best for the children is for the two parents to stay together, by the woman controlling her impulses.

What is bad for the children is for the woman to selfishly put her needs first. Feminists have lobbied the legal system to work in favor of the woman and AGAINST the children, using the children as nothing more than pawns through which to extract resources from the man that SHE abandoned.

The 'for the children' excuse is used by feminists to shamelessly avoid responsibility while shifting blame to the man, even while the divorce was her unilaterally selfish idea.

You do not care what is best for the children. If you did, you would recognize that having BOTH parents together is what is best for the children.

This is proof that America has become a society where men are treated far worse than women.

Tongs said...

How can something be 'for the children' when the amount of money the man has to pay is SO much, that the woman spends only 20% on the child, and 80% on herself?

How is this the 'best things for the children'?

Show us that you have the ability to be a fair and rational adult here. The problem with America today is that women want all the entitlementsm without accepting any of the adult responsibilities that must accompany these entitlements.

April said...

Don't tell me I don't care about my children.
You couldn't be more wrong about that.
And you deserve no more of my time if you don't get that basic fact.

Anonymous said...

70% of divorces are initiated by women. Which leads me to ask why women have such a problem with commitment.

The majority of infantcide and child abuse is committed by women, and the vast majority of people in prison were raised by single mothers (70%). Which leads me to ask why women are such bad parents.

The way I see it, fathers should be the ones to get sole custody while the women work to pay child support.

Kori said...

Who is being the responsible parent here-April who is wokring and maintaining a noirma lifestyle for herslf and her children, or her ex, who doesn't have a job and lives with mommy and daddy when he isn't in jail? Yet April is the one who is being selfish? Please. I am so sorry that you are such a pro-marriage fanatic that you would truly believe this tripe, and I am truly sorry that you really believe that we single moms use what child support we DO get on luxury items for ourselves. I would also be really curious as to where you are getting your ridiculous statistics.

Mostly, though, I know that you are only this angry because you don't know jack about real life. May your husband or wife abandon you and your kids. May you lose your job, your home, your self-respect. May you be blamed daily for the actions of someone else, and may you have to stay awake nights wondering how to explain to your children that their other parent just doesn't want to be around them anymore. May you have to worry every single day whether you are going to have enough money to keep a roof over your head, may you be criticized if you don't accept help and castigated if you do. And being abandoned by a parent not just financially but emotionally, well, I would not wish that on your kids, but I would sure wish it on you. I can't think of anyone more deserving of being forced to walk in someone else's shoes.

And in case you are coming from the "this is God's idea" corner, I don't believe that God loves people whose main goal in life is to belittle other people for choosing to divorce a drug addict, and abuser, a deadbeat. I don't think that God loves the things deadbeat parents do, either. Because I know that my life has been blessed in ways I couldn't imagine after I left MY deadbeat ex.

Tongs said...

April,

I have exposed you as shamelessly using your own children as pawns to line your own pockets, now that you are too old to attract a new man.

If you really cared about the children, you would see to it that they grow up with both parents. Children who grow up in a broken home after the mother selfishly chooses to put her interests above theirs, end up becoming delinquents and underachievers. That is the fate YOU have condemned your innocent children to.

You know that what I said is true. It is time that women started acting like responsible adults.

Tongs said...

"Yet April is the one who is being selfish?"

Yes. A rational adult would see this.

April has used her children as pawns through which to line her own pockets. They will grow up with the disadvantage of being from a broken home, and will thus become liabilities to society.

Yet the MAN, who SHE left, has to pay?????

This is a classic case of how a society goes downhill quickly after assuming that Western women can act like rational adults. No wonder white men are finding a better deal with Asian women.

Tongs said...

"70% of divorces are initiated by women. Which leads me to ask why women have such a problem with commitment."

Actually, it is closer to 90% if you count instances when the woman is cheating on the man, or just moves out.

Then they rationalize their decision (and subseqent strategy to use their kids as pawns in a gold-digging strategy) by saying he was a 'drug addict', 'abusive', 'impotent', etc.

In reality, they just want financial maintenence while they try (unsuccessfully) to live a cougar lifestyle.

Kori said...

Again, Tongs, where are you getting your statistics? I find it laughable that what it all boils down to, in your mind, is money. Financial responsibility, or lack of, is certainly one aspect of this issue. However, to think that any woman OR man who is received child support is using it to line their pockets is simply erroneous thinking on your part; I don't know a single parent, male OR female, who gets the kind of money you seem to think that child support provides. I have two ex-husbands; one of them is court ordered to pay $244 a month for his two children. Teenagers eat more than that in a month! My second ex-husband, the one who IS a deadbeat (see, I have both-I have an ex-husband who, while court ordered to pay his child support, hasn't for two years-but he loves his kids, and does what he can for them. He keeps in contact with them and sees them regularly, which is FAR more important than any piffling amount of money I might get from him. I also have a deadbeat dad who not only doesn't pay his support but also hasn't seen his child in over two years-his choice)is ordered to pay $279 a month, which he doesn't pay-but if he did, that would barely be enough to feed and clothe him for a month, much less provide any other needed support.

It seems like no matter what any one of us says or thinks, you have it in your mind that because we have breast and a brain both (which is clearly unfathomable to you), we are somehow failures as human beings. You then want to turn it into an issue of race, because we "Western" women are all greedy and selfish and clearly not submissive enough. And that's okay; I just know that my world is a lot bigger and better ever since I was allowed out of the kitchen, and most women I know feel the same way. With or without men.

Tongs said...

However, to think that any woman OR man who is received child support is using it to line their pockets is simply erroneous thinking on your part;

No it isn't. Why is it that CS awards are far more than the cost of a child? Why should CS be any more than the cost of hiring a nanny? Why are women living large on CS (which incentivizes women to use their kids as pawns in a gold-digging strategy)?

Why should a person who CHOOSES to leave be entitled to support? This is the question you are not answering, because you know it reveals your mercilessly selfish actions.

I have two ex-husbands;

Oh my god. Yet you have the nerve to claim that women are not the ones who initiate 90% of divorces? You are practically a pro. Woe is the man who comes within a 10-foot radius of your talons.

If your second husband wasn't paying, he would be in jail. So why isn't he in jail? Could it be that what you said is not true?

then want to turn it into an issue of race, because we "Western" women are all greedy and selfish and clearly not submissive enough.

Nope. Asian women are more mature and have a greater ability to act like adults. They earn higher incomes than white women. They also age a lot better. They are better in every possible way. The 'submissive' slur is racism on your part, of a very resentful sort.

The failures of feminism are visible in the words of the 'womyn' here.

Tongs said...

Oh how did I miss this?

pisceshanna wrote : "I almost lost it last night when my own daughter said "You're being mean to daddy!"

Children often see things for what they are. I hope your daughter carries this wisdom with her, and resists all the anti-male feminist indoctrination that you will put her through.

She saw the truth, and called you on it. Even children know that slavery (which you are an advocate of) is wrong.

Kori said...

Tell me one time where you are getting your ridiculously inflated statistics. Give me one link; just one legitimate link to back up your preposterous and clearly insane "facts."

Do you have children? If so, how much do you make in a year, and how much goes toward providing a roof over their heads, clothing food to eat, a car payment and insurance, health insurance, maintenance on said home and daycare? All of that, including utility bills, phone bills, etc...is used when calculating the amount of child support. The simple math is to take ALL household expenses, divide them by the number of people in your household, and that is a starting point. The courts also clearly say that additional expenses such as extra-curricular activities, school fees, etc...are the responsibility of both parents, and are above and beyond child support. Of course, courts also clearly state that it is the children's best interest to have both parents maintain an active role in their children's lives, yet a lot of parents don't do that, either.

Also, how do you come up with the numbers that you are saying cost more than a child? Are you talking about the actual birth of a child ($10,000 plus for a routine delivery), or are you talking about the actual day-to-day raising of a child? I have never seen nor met a person who could claim they were awarded more money in child support than it cost to actually raise their children. Again, give me the link to your statistics; I am really curious about that one.

Yep, I am such a terror to the men. But see, Tongs, you are basing all of this on something you know nothing about. Want to know something that very few people actually now about me? My second husband left me. He left me and three children for another woman who had a lot of money and a hot pair of tits. He left us with nothing; no heat, no food in the house, an eviction notice. We have been divorced for almost 7 years and I am still paying off his debts; in this year alone, I have paid over half of what I make to his creditors, ones that he willingly "took over" in the divorce decree. Yep, I am a man-killer, am I. Woe to the man who feels the rake of my talons. Yep; I am a danger. Not only am I harpie, but now I am a femme fatale as well. Who knew? And I am sure my boyfriend will be surprised to find out how dangerous I am; after four years, he probably will be really schicked at how terrible I truly am and will leave me. Mmmhmh.

Tongs said...

Kori,

A link you want? 90% of divorces initiated by women, because the justice system is ridded in favor of women.

You are still dodging the basic point, and proving that you have no moral compass.

If YOU decided to leave the marriage, YOU should bear the costs of your decision. That is what being an adult is about. HE should not bear the cost, as HE did not choose to leave. A rational adult would see this.

You are using your kids as pawns in a merciless gold-digging strategy. Period.

Your second husband : No man would leave his small children for another woman, given the cripplingly high cost of child support. So your story is a bogus attempt to avoid responsibility.

But if it were true, consider that it is a form of cosmic justice for having selfishly ruined your dutiful first husband. You made your bed, now lie in it. Karma.

for another woman who had a lot of money and a hot pair of tits.

You should have been a better wife, for he would have stuck with you even in your saggy-saggy years. Men are far more loyal than women.

Plus, you still cannot denounce the claim by April that men should be ENSLAVED. Yes, slavery. In the United States of America. Even though the MAN was abandoned.

No wonder white men are finding Asian women to be more mature adults, more successful, more feminine, better looking (i.e. no wrinkles, they don't get fat, etc.). These racist white women, unable to compete, throw round slurs like 'submissive' when in fact Asian women are more adult in their behavior.

Slavery and racism. Shame on you.

Anonymous said...

You pathetic cunt. I was alerted to this heinous blog post from March just today... You need to be raped and killed.

You are the reason I will never date a single mother.

Kori said...

So you are saying that both of my husbands owned me, meaning that I was neither loyal nor dutiful enough to keep them? And you really mean that? NOW who is talking about slavery?

Sorry, a blog post written by someone as insane as you is not a statistic; that is an opinion.