Monday, June 29, 2009

My X is a prick

There's just no other way to say it. Well, I can think of a few other choice words, but I'll stick with prick for now.

I'm not even sure how much I wrote about this earlier in the year, but his relationship with the girls has been basically weekend phone calls for the past couple of years, with a few visits thrown in here and there. Earlier this year, before Valentine's Day to be more exact (because the girls specifically remember him not calling on that day), he stopped calling. I finally called his mom, found out that he was no longer living there, and no one knew where he was.

When he re-appeared in April, I was done. Sylvia was getting back into therapy, my child support case against him had just been closed (since they could never find him), and his spotty, unpredictable, and undependable presence in their lives was just causing all of us more pain than we deserved. So I forbade him from speaking to them.

Sylvia took it pretty well. She'd had a really tough time with his latest disappearance, and I think she was relieved that I'd set the boundaries.

But 3 1/2 weeks ago, she asked if she could speak to him. After talking it over with her therapist, we decided that phone calls would be okay. Her therapist and I are both aware that the phone calls will most likely stop again, but at least she would BE in therapy and we'd have some tools and resources for handling it.

So I let the girls call their dad that Sunday. He promised them that he would call every Sunday. He managed to call on Father's Day. And three weeks into it, he didn't call this Sunday.

We were home, my cell was on...no missed calls. To make it even worse, Sylvia's taking on the blame since he gave her his number and she didn't call him. It's SO not right for her to feel any culpability in this, and I didn't even mention to her the chances that the number he gave her is probably no good anymore. His cell phone services rarely last more than 24 hours.

It pisses me off SO much. I don't understand why he can't even live up to the simple responsibility of knowing when it's Sunday and picking up a phone.

I can understand not paying child support. A drug addict rarely has money. I can understand not being able to live up to the conditions so that he can have visitation; it involves WORK on his part. But not being able to pick up a phone? That's just being a selfish prick.

And on TOP of that, he actually gave me crap for not letting him talk to the girls for two months. Claiming to be their father, that he has rights. His one - ONE - responsibility that I actually hoped he would live up to for at least 2 months (8 phone calls), he couldn't do. Must the girls keep their expectations of their father so low?

It's just so not fair. They're amazing little girls. They live up to responsibilities I give them every day. They're loving and funny and fun. And they've made it extraordinarily easy for him to make them happy. All he has to do is call once a week. Why does he choose to break their hearts instead? Really, how does a man do that? And claim to be a parent.

What a prick.

14 comments:

Kori said...

I wish I had even one answer that would make some sort of sense, and NO answer that would make this okay in any way. And you will get thosew ho want to call you bitter, or a bitch, or tell you how unfair you are being, so let those roll off your back if you can. You are doing the right best thing for your girls. Sylvia is not to blame, Riley is not to blame, YOU are not to blame. All that falls right onto HIS shoulders, and unfortunately you are the one who has to deal with the fallout. I love you; and that is most likely the only meaningful thing I have said here....

Natalie said...

Oh April, I don't know what to say. It is so unfair, not only to your girls, but to you. You are the one who has to deal with the fallout from his actions (or non-actions), you get to watch your kids hurt and he gets to reap the benefits when he DOES call. It's not right and if you were like a lot of mother's, you would say no more contact, EVER. But you are not like most mother's, you know that isn't the right approach and that it's important that they know their father, even if HE doesn't deserve it.

I'm so sorry. I wish I could do something to help.

Kori said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
won said...

I am sorry. It sucks to be so helpless to protect our children from hurt. It doubly sucks as you had thought it out, asked for professional guidance in making the decision and made it from such a place of clarity only to have come back and hurt like that.

I am glad the girls have you in their life, as a constant. I am sorry you are left picking up the pieces.

FreedomFirst said...

I agree. What a prick.

Julie said...

Ugh. Seriously. What an ass. He definitely does not deserve to be referred to as a dad or a parent. I truly wish you and the girls didn't have to deal with his BS.

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

Your post title said it all.

Tara R. said...

I am so sorry your girls are hurting. No child should ever feel unloved by their parent.

They are so lucky to have you in their life, loving and guiding them.

Immoral Matriarch said...

God, this made me so sad. And angry.

Shiona said...

I have nothing to add. Except that he is a prick. Picking up a phone is not that hard...

littlemansmom said...

Oh honey I feel ya, I hear ya, and boy do I EVER know what you are going through. All I can say is yes, he is a prick and yes you are AWESOME for being so strong in dealing with it. GREAT BIG hugs to you.

pisceshanna said...

Stupid drug addicts. Rarely have any money, and rarely have enough brain cells to remember simple shit like picking up a phone.

hotmamamia said...

Don't let him back in so he can do it again. They've been burned by him enough times to probably get a PFA even! (an emotional one!)

Stay strong.

Laura said...

You can only do as best as you can, which surely you are doing.

You have no control over pricks, except to try to not let him disturb and disrupt. I wish there was a magic wand of decency to wave over him, but he must have his own force field which neutralizes all expectations.