Tuesday, September 22, 2009

totally f**ed

I'm drowning. Financially, I'm completely overwhelmed. I still haven't been able to catch up from the extra costs of summer child care, and I have to pay $150 for Sylvia's choir costs, and $75 for Riley's drum lessons, and all these extra little things that are just adding up to too much for me right now.

And now, a past creditor has come back to haunt me. From the X days. All the bills are in my name because, of course, that's why he was with me. I had a good credit rep at the time.

The best part about us having moved so often was because it was taking these people forever to find me. And now we're coming up on the 7-year mark so the ones that can find me...well, here we are.

I was just keeping my head above water for some time. But now, I'm slipping. There is no place to go. No reserves to tap into. I'm 36 years old, and I have nothing. I have an 8-yr-old car that is thankfully paid off with my parents' help. And I have credit cards almost maxed out.

And all I can do right now is listen to "Totally F**ed" from Spring Awakening on repeat. Because this is the moment I know.



**UPDATE: Okay, I've taken the song off repeat. I checked my credit report and have found that almost everything from the X days has fallen off my record, and it looks like my report should be completely clear of negative items by the end of this year.

I'm still broke, but no more broke than I thought I was yesterday. I just won't be able to get insurance from the company I wanted.

I'm not real sure how long it will take for me to feel financially secure again, and the thing that really concerns me is that it will only last until next summer when my child care costs quadruple again, but I think I'm only partially f**ed now.

Thanks for your support!

14 comments:

Kori said...

All I can say or do is tell you I love you, that you know I know exactly what you are feeling, and offer support. I am so, so sorry.

Huckdoll said...

It sounds like you need a fresh start and the slate wiped clean. As an ex-professional in the insolvency business since I was 22, I'd suggest filing for bankruptcy - and holding your chin high while you do so. If you're avoiding it, then you have other options like proposals, etc. that will stay any creditor proceedings as long as you meet the payment terms - but since you have no assets to protect, bankruptcy is probably the way to go.

There is only so much you can do and you have obviously been trying your hardest to keep your creditors paid and you're struggling. You don't want to live your life one paycheck away from a financial disaster like so many do and as a mother I know you want to give your girls all opportunities possible.

I've seen hundreds of people thrive and prosper after filings; they come in so hopeless and scared and when they return to pick up their final docs they're looking and sounding so much better.

Sorry to sound so pro-bankruptcy especially if it's not in the options column for you. It's just that I believe hardworking, responsible people should have their one get-out-of-jail-free type card when it comes to finances.

Shiona said...

Glad to see things aren't so bleak. It's always so hard to catch up. Hopefully you'll be in the clear before the year's out.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

I think Huckdoll has some good advice. I'm looking at that option myself. I don't have the childcare bills, but college is around the corner. It's difficult for me not to feel like a failure, but I think I'm (and you are) providing a lot of positive things for our kids that don't have to do with money. Keep that in mind.

Hugs,

Meg

won said...

I am sorry for the challenges. That sounds kind of trite, doesn't it?

I wish I had bigger words, or a bigger wallet.

Keep breathing and know that I have confidence in your ability to land on your feet.

FreedomFirst said...

I'm sorry. I keep wondering how long it will take my creditors to catch up. I hope you are able to make it somehow. Keep that light at the end of the tunnel in sight......

MindyMom said...

I'm riding in a very similar boat of financial f'ed-upness. I currently have an excellent credit score but with the house still not sold, more going out (w the/pre-k expense) and WAY less coming in and no relief from DBD...the clock is ticking.

Hang in there girl! I'll share the thread I'm hanging by w/you!

Julie said...

I can only imagine how you feel. I'm terrified right now because I have no savings, and my job search has been less than successful. My current contract job ends Oct 31, and if I don't find a new job by then, I'm screwed. I won't be able to pay my rent AND my bills. All I can do is apply to jobs every day and hope and pray with all my being that I can fine a job... even though I haven't been able to in the last 5 months...

Hang in there!

littlemansmom said...

Oh have I ever been in your shoes!!! I will.can tell you that it will rememedy, you will regain FULL control and you will smile tomorrow....Hugs to you...

jenn said...

I can totally understand this. It's so frustrating to be broke and not be able to do anything about it. I just try not to think about it, but I have my days...

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

Does the school have any kind of scholarship fund for choir? I know that our schools have a commitment to have every child participate in extra-curriculars who wants to, and they find a way to pay for those who can't. I know it's just a bit, but every bit helps.

Cat said...

I'm so sorry things are tough financially. I have Ex debt too, and it sucks, but I'm glad yours is falling off your record.

Childcare is so expensive... I know the feeling.

Hang in there and take care of yourself mentally as best you can!

Laura said...

I lost it this week when my electricity was cut off because I owed the electric company $1,700 because when you close an account and money is due they tack it onto the first person who opens a new account and since I'm the responsible one, I got to lose my electricity and then pay the huge bill that he owes (from my "save to buy a place" money) even though I had paid my 50% of the electric bills and 100% of all the others. But after losing it on Wednesday, Thursday I was better because I remembered that he is out of my life and can't create any more financial havoc.

I don't have any financial advice, all I can do is cheer you with cliches and hopes for a lottery win (even if you don't buy them).

osolomama said...

I was so bummed by the start of school--new clothes for DD, an incredible amount of school supplies, all of which it turned out she needed and has used in jr. high, $65 for the gym uniform, more $$ for the lock for the locker because hers didn't work. . .and worst of all, they can leave the school and eat out for lunch! Ka-ching!

Hang in. It will be better. I'm perpetually behind on my taxes.