Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Reconnecting

So a click here, a click there, next thing I know, it's half past midnight and I've spent over an hour reading my old posts. I went back to the beginning of this blog and read at least the first 100, and remembered a few things about how I like to parent.

I thought it would all seem so out-dated. They were 7 and 10 when I first started. Even I can't believe how much has changed in almost 3 years, but what's more important is I remembered what should be the same.

I talked so much about listening back then. I talked so much about taking the time-outs for myself, to talk after a battle and find the underlying issue. I haven't done that in a while.

I've assumed that I know what their problems are. I've assumed that Sylvia's just being a teenager (just a few months early), that Riley's just reacting. I've assumed that the biggest problem is that they have to share a bedroom, and have been feeling appropriately guilty and self-loathing about that. I think there's more to it than that.

Just taking that step back tonight has made me think of one issue that I hadn't previously thought about. All I've heard is their excitement about seeing their dad soon. It's just now hit me that they're probably anxious about it, too. They may not be talking about it, may not even be conscious of it, but it's probably there.

And, hey, there's just been a lot going on lately. From Sylvia's play to her new dance class to the friendship drama to family reunions and simply not a lot of down time. It's a lot. It's been a lot for me. It's got to be multiplied for them.

Even Monday, when they got back from spending the night at my parents' house, they both just disappeared into their room and vegged for a while. I thought: great! But clearly, they were in need of some down time.

I need to figure out how to get some alone-time with Sylvia. Riley will straight out tell me when she needs to talk to me alone, but Sylvia doesn't. I need to take that first step. I need to create some sort of Date Night - or just even go into my room and close the door - and let her know I'm still here to just listen.

I'm tired enough to go to bed now. I think I just might wake up more refreshed than I have in a while.

5 comments:

MindyMom said...

You're a good mom and I'm sure you will figure it out. Haven't you always?

Btw, my solution for having my 2 girls share a room was wine. ;)

Danielle said...

Good realization. You are right that we need to sometimes look beyond what we are told or see.
See, you are such a great mom!

Tara R. said...

I think it's great that you keep re-evaluating your parenting... monitor and adjust.... that's the best way to do it. You change, your girls change, how you communicate needs to change too.

Mandy said...

Great realization! It makes perfect sense that they would have mixed feelings about seeing their dad. Sometimes we just get too close to see things clearly.

SoloMom said...

That certainly does make sense. Kids often process their emotions very differently than we do. Good job, mom!!!