My mom likes to turn to the oft-used phrase, "everything happens for a reason" in times of turmoil. For a lot of years and momentary dramas, it would suffice. 6 months or a year later, we could usually come up with some justification.
Three years after my divorce, I still couldn't find the reason for all that had happened. And any reasoning I tried simply didn't add up. Sure, I could say it was so I could have my girls, but why did I have to marry him (while pregnant with the second child) and go through 2 years simply trying to get divorced? I could try and find a reason for why he acted the way he did, but no reason was acceptable for not paying child support. The puzzle pieces just wouldn't come together no matter how hard I tried.
So I just stopped trying.
And just like that, the moment of healing truly began. The past was what it was, and it was time to move forward. I was a single mother and these were my two girls that I loved and had to care for, and there were enough challenges with that to keep going backward.
A reasonable amount of self-reflection is certainly healthy so that we can learn from past mistakes and not repeat them as much as possible. I could look back enough to see the times that I dismissed concerns away, or believed that love could conquer anything, but there were no more lessons to be learned. I was just dwelling and waiting for some answer to reveal itself in marquee lights. That wasn't going to happen.
Even today, I can't say why X is the way he is. I can guess that there's some narcissism, some denial, and self-medication happening to live with himself. But I can't say why he continues to be satisfied with his empty life.I can't find any justifiable reason for the girls to have a father they don't deserve.
But I do know that what I can do is be there for them always. My focus will be on what we have to accomplish this week, and what's for dinner tomorrow night, and getting the girls up and ready for school on time. The reasons are simple, the tasks achievable, and the goal is to live up to my responsibilities. How we got here simply doesn't matter anymore.
This post is inspired by The Daily Post's topic: Does everything happen for a reason? Check the comments for other posts.