I heard someone say that the other day, and nodded in agreement. There are many simple tasks I want to accomplish that just aren't easy.
For the most part, I'm pretty good at communicating with the girls. I can put complex thoughts and ideas in ways they can understand, I can talk to them about uncomfortable subject matters, and we're close. But there are a lot of things I could do better.
I loathe school projects. Riley had to make a model of the Earth and label all the layers. I'm a firm believer in kids doing their own school projects, but I admit, part of that is merely because I don't want to do it. As Riley worked, she mentioned, "you know, they said we could get help," and I grimaced. It's not that it's hard, it's that I don't wanna. Crafts are not my idea of a good time.
I don't mind helping with the English homework. I enjoy quizzing her on vocabulary words, or helping her come up with sentences or summarize. Because I like it and I'm good at it. But I'm not good at Math or art, and most of the time, she's better off without my help. At least, that's what I tell myself. But I know in my heart of hearts that I need to get over it already.
Helping Sylvia with organization is also a problem area. I've gotten better at organization over the years because I've had to, but I'm still no natural. I've tried to teach her what I've learned, help her make to-do lists and routines, but I'm not good at the follow-through. I want to just tell her what to do and let her go do it. That's not really working for either of us. I know it starts with me.
Sometimes, I get all fired up, but then I burn out. Sometimes I can tell myself that there's always tomorrow. Other times, I freak out completely because time is running short and I may miss the few opportunities I have left.
I know I'm a good mom. I just want to be better. Simple enough to want, but not easy to be.