My heart skips a beat as I realize, I have just three more years with Sylvia before she starts living most of her life independently. She starts her sophomore year today, and I am filled with so many emotions.
Just three more years of waking her up and driving her to school. Just three more years of attempting to give her all the opportunities I can before she's making her own schedule. Just three more years of knowing where she is at all times.
As my oldest, she has had to endure the most of my parental mistakes as I sometimes have to find my footing with a new development of hers. For the most part, I am the parent I wanted to be, but there's no question that you have to look at the person in front of you and, in the moment, have all the answers they need. Being human and all, I sometimes find myself ill-equipped.
Of course, we've also the issues of her father to contend with over the years, and it took me a while to find my balance with that. How much should she know? How much should I try to compensate for the lack of other parent? How much leeway do I allow her and how much is too much?
In this moment, I am very happy with who she is, our relationship, and that she still has the options to do anything she wants to do.
Still, I hope that the foundation we've built is strong enough. I hope that these next last few years of mandatory schooling are wonderful for her. I know that we will continue to have our ups and downs, but I hope that there are enough "ups" so that we're on speaking terms more often than not.
More than anything, I hope she knows how much I love her and believe in her. And thank goodness I have 3 more years to try and show her that.