tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42116746782012515882024-02-19T00:44:22.912-08:00It's All About BalanceAprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12051174636017409935noreply@blogger.comBlogger1001125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4211674678201251588.post-37453098281279267792023-05-04T21:14:00.001-07:002023-05-04T21:14:44.731-07:00Turning 50<p> I remember when that seemed like a large number: 50. I remember believing what capitalism shoved down my throat: the height of life’s bell curve happens somewhere around 15-35. The rest is inconsequential. Of course, that’s not true. </p><p>I thought at 50, I’d know things. That I’d be wise. What I know is that there’s so much I don’t know, and so much I’ll never know. </p><p>I thought at 50, I’d look old. I’m not going to pretend that I haven’t aged, but there’s not as many wrinkles as I imagined I would have at 50. </p><p>I hoped I would be happy. And I am. </p><p>I feel like I’m just starting to reach the peak. In the last 50 years, I’ve figured out a lot of things that I don’t want my life to be. Mostly by making mistakes. </p><p>Now I’m learning what truly brings me joy and peace. </p><p>I’ve learned how to take care of myself. Not stupid bubble bath self-care (although there’s nothing wrong with a bubble bath), but the self care where you recognize what’s making you happy or unhappy and you do something about it. </p><p>I’ve stopped suffering through things that I don’t have to. I’ve stopped living life like the “good student,” vying for praise and respect. I am loved and respected by people I love and respect. I’m not going to try to change myself for someone to like me. I’m okay if you don’t. There are plenty of people I don’t like. I’m not talking about trying to hurt anyone or vice versa, but I don’t <i>need</i> to be loved and respected by everyone. </p><p>I’ve learned how to let things go. It does me no good to seethe in anger or feel bad about myself. You don’t earn “points” by self-sacrifice. Not just in the big ways, but in the little ways too: I now have a drink every time I’m on a plane. Just one to let myself just be while the pilots and flight attendants take care of me and the rest of the passengers. </p><p>I go to the theatre by myself a lot. And I love it. I don’t have to worry about what others think of it, try to schedule it, blah blah blah. AND I also go with friends and family. I spent my 50th birthday with my girls, seeing SIX on Broadway! </p><p>I took a cruise by myself and loved it. I go to restaurants by myself and enjoy it. I love to people watch and make up stories in my head about who they are and what kind of conversations or thoughts they’re having. </p><p>It’s like when I was a kid, and I would play with Barbies and make up their stories. I know, there are definitely issues with Barbies, but I cared most about the make-believe of it all. </p><p>I also have done a lot of things in my life that I’m proud of, that I overcame, that I endured, and that I loved. There is enough life back there for me to see that this is not the beginning. </p><p>Of course, I don’t know how much is ahead of me, if I’ll be able to maintain my health, my happiness. </p><p>So I’m going to love my life now. At 50. </p>Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12051174636017409935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4211674678201251588.post-66977714300647616022022-12-05T00:00:00.006-08:002022-12-05T00:00:00.203-08:00Capitalism Series, Part 2: The Short-Sightedness of Quarterly Reports<p> While I would never put the white hat completely on corporations, I think many of their problems are caused or made worse by the quarterly reports. CEOs, department heads, sometimes an entire company's future is on the line because of what Wall Street thinks of a quarterly report. </p><p>Even the shareholders are subject to the whims of Wall Street. It comes down to a few people who punish or reward companies for meeting (or failing to meet) their expectations. Somehow, wondering whether Wall Street got it right or wrong is never the question. </p><p>I hold stocks, too. In my 401k, and in a personal account, but I generally invest in index funds, less weighted by one or even a few select companies. I can appreciate the shareholders' need to know, but why so often? Wouldn't twice a year be plenty? </p><p>Companies are held to this impossible standard of beating expectations every quarter. There might be one (Apple) that has managed to do this, but I think every other company has seen its share of ups and downs. And even Apple had its down days way back when. </p><p>Very few are willing to dive deeper than whether profits are up or down. Never mind if the company bought some badly needed equipment that increased their expenses, but decreased human injuries. Human injuries aren't included in quarterly reports. </p><p>Even when a company has an outstanding report, the very next day, the question becomes, how will we fare next quarter?</p><p>Which doesn't help a company think about long-term planning, doesn't allow time for R&D, doesn't even reward companies when they recall products to keep everyone safe! Despite another bad ruling by the Supreme Court, corporations are not themselves people, but they are indeed comprised of people. </p><p>Most people didn't start their first day thinking that they'd hate the job. They go in with all kinds of enthusiasm, hoping to feel valued. But work enough days in a corporation, everyone comes to realize that the corporation prioritizes their quarterly reports above all else. Of course people want to quiet quit! Or quit altogether. Just because an abused spouse stays doesn't mean they enjoy it - they just don't see a way out.</p><p>I wonder what would happen if the quarterly report did include injuries, retention percentages, customer complaints? I wonder what would happen if CEOs got their bonuses docked for injuries, complaints, lack of retention? </p><p>I'm starting to shop more <a href="https://www.bcorporation.net/en-us/find-a-b-corp" target="_blank">B Corporations</a>, which is a designation for companies that are committed to benefit all stakeholders, not just shareholders. It's a step in the right direction, and if more companies got on board, it might just change the world. </p><p><br /></p>Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12051174636017409935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4211674678201251588.post-51200755704145247002022-12-01T00:00:00.008-08:002022-12-01T00:00:00.205-08:00Capitalism Series, Part 1: Unions<p>I find the easiest way to contemplate the bigger problems is always to follow the money. </p><p>We've all heard that money and power corrupt and while of course that's not true of everyone, I'm becoming more and more convinced that the greed for money and power is the root of most of the bigger problems. </p><p>One of the things I always go back to is a line from Michael Douglas' speech at the end of Aaron Sorkin's <b><i>The American President</i></b> regarding some politicians' interests: "making you afraid of it, and telling you who's to blame for it." Using that tactic has allowed them to continue to profit (either financially or politically - most likely both) off of fear and anger. </p><p>Unions are once again in the news: Starbucks, UC grad students, the railway workers, etc. I've said it before, unions are the area in which I stray most from the Democratic Party and the progressives. Here are a few reasons why: </p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b>Lack of accountability for union leaders</b>. I first wrote about this during the grocery store worker strike of the early aughts. The workers had been paying into a union fund to subsidize health care costs, but the union leaders ended up spending that money elsewhere, leaving the workers with no support when health insurance costs continued to rise. The workers had to strike (during the holidays, as I recall) and live off even less in order to make up for the union leadership's bad acts. While I understand that the leadership is elected by their members, many members have enough information to vote in their own best interest. </li><li><b>Lack of accountability for workers' poor performance</b>. It was very clear to me that in Sylvia's middle school, they placed all their best teachers in the eighth grade and all their worst teachers that they couldn't fire in the sixth grade. That did NOT get her off to the best start in middle school. Of course, I don't believe that teachers should be fired for saying "gay" or encouraging critical thinking, but I also know that there are some that are simply not good at their job, and the effects on their students is too severe to keep them in that position. </li><li><b>Unions create more hierarchy</b>. In my acting days, there were a lot of auditions that were union only, but of course, the only way to get a union card (at that time) was to get a union gig, but how would you get that without the opportunity to audition? It was a catch-22 that created a those who have and those who haven't to divide the acting community. I know some employees that have to belong to a union, but that union isn't supporting them (see first bullet above), and there are also millions of workers in jobs that aren't covered by a union, and therefore, do not get some protections that others enjoy. It's pitting workers against workers. </li><li><b>Divides instead of unites</b>. If we want to protect the labor force, then we should protect the entire labor force. All workers should have a modicum of control over their schedules. Everyone should get some paid sick time. The problem with unionizing one Starbucks at a time is the that the baristas at Peet's are not protected. It might help some but not all workers get a fair deal, making them wholly unfair. </li><li><b>Corporations do not change their stripes</b>. Some corporations end up using "independent contractors" or close down stores to avoid unions. Lyft managed to get a proposition passed in California excluding them from CA's attempt at stopping the former. Or they use the increased wages at the bottom as an excuse to raise prices - and yet somehow, the C-suite can always afford bonuses and raises! </li></ul><div>Unions were a critical step in creating some of the federal laws that we have today to protect labor, like criminalizing child labor and mandating work breaks. But let's think about where we were at that time: we didn't have the internet or the ability to spread the word beyond our own communities. Keeping it local was the only way workers stood a chance. </div><div><br /></div><div>But times have indeed changed. </div><div><br /></div><div>Why are we limiting ourselves to one Starbucks, one industry, or even one country? Don't all workers everywhere deserve protection? Why are we continuing to be so small-minded about how to change the world? We're not thinking big enough. </div><p></p>Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12051174636017409935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4211674678201251588.post-46656421404762427132022-06-24T17:43:00.001-07:002022-06-24T17:43:39.084-07:00My Abortion Saved Me and My Girls<p>I woke up the morning after what I'd thought was a really productive conversation with X. He acknowledged the mistakes he'd made, vowed to do better, and we were going to try and put our family back together again. </p><p>I went to the place where'd I'd hid the grocery money. X had already emptied my bank account, so I'd resorted to hiding cash around the house to cover child care, groceries, and other expenses. This time, I'd put it in a shoe. </p><p>But there was no money in there. After our so-called productive conversation, X had found it, and spent it on drugs and/or alcohol - don't know, and at that moment, I no longer cared. </p><p>After years, two daughters and one miscarriage, a wedding, several moves in a total of 4 states, I'd simply fallen out of love with X. I'd even warned him a few weeks prior that I thought this could happen. My love had been the only thing holding us together. And now it was gone. </p><p>I don't remember the exact timeline here, but it wasn't long after that when I discovered I was pregnant. </p><p>My girls were about 2 1/2 and 5 1/2 at the time. I already knew I was going to leave X, and I couldn't imagine trying to explain divorce and adoption at the same time. </p><p>I had no idea how I was going to manage. I was living across the country from my family at the time, working in the field I loved, but with a boss who threw a chair at an employee and would yell at us during staff meetings. </p><p>Now, I'm fully aware that I played a role in this, that I had responsibilities. The responsible thing to do was not bring another human into the chaos that was our lives at that moment. </p><p>Thankfully, at the time, we lived about a block away from a Planned Parenthood. The idea was that I'd go home after, but my nightmare boss made me come into work...and then later questioned my loyalty, which is when I decided to leave that job, too. </p><p>The procedure was simple enough that I could work afterwards. There was very little pain. Frankly, a lot less painful than childbirth! And a lot less expensive than raising kids. </p><p>My daughters are now 21 and 24. They're both working in fields they love, which happen to be with children. </p><p>They're both on birth control, even though only 1 has a serous relationship right now. </p><p>I'm incredibly proud of them. I'm also proud of me. I raised them. I got myself a job in a department with really good people, who supported me and cheered me on when I went back to school. I work for a boss who recognizes that people come first, and gave me promotions every time he could. </p><p>I own my own townhouse now. I'm raising two kitties now (both rescues). </p><p>Not once have I ever regretted my decision to have an abortion. And no, I don't even regret the intercourse that led to it, because at the time, I was committed to my marriage. Which he broke. I just finally put myself and my girls back together. </p><p>No one deserves my story, which is why I haven't shared it before. I'm sharing it now because this country still allows free speech. I've got to exercise any and all rights I have left! </p><p><br /></p><p> </p>Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12051174636017409935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4211674678201251588.post-23313631339526049582022-01-09T07:43:00.002-08:002022-01-09T07:43:51.608-08:00Maybe We Should Embrace the Trauma<p> I'm going to spoil the ending of the limited series, <i>Dopesick</i>, so fair warning. I'm only semi-serious, of course, since the "end" is still playing out in court but I'm talking about the actual series here, which I didn't know how they'd end. Turns out they found the perfect ending, and I can't stop thinking about it. </p><p>They offered the possibility that maybe we should stop trying to stop feeling pain. </p><p>I offer it here not just as an answer to the opioid epidemic, but also in response to the pandemic, the political divides, the many divides that we're finding as a way to separate ourselves: working mom vs stay at home mom, mom versus childfree, married versus single - which are all relatively harmless, especially when compared to some of the horrific dividers that have gotten people killed: racism, misogyny, and the prejudices that have started wars. </p><p>I saw a headline of an opinion piece that school shutdowns are "only hurting children," which of course, is problematic since shutdowns might also be saving lives. But it's the prime example of what is happening: it's someone else crying for us to pay attention to their pain, their plight. </p><p>We're all in pain, we're all suffering in one way or another. Because we're in a pandemic!</p><p>But even if we weren't, each of us has suffered some sort of trauma, some sort of longing, some desire to connect with others. What I find sad is that in this moment, when we're all suffering, instead of coming together, there are so many that are trying to find someone to blame. We're all to blame, no one is to blame...did I mention we're in a pandemic? </p><p>Particularly us Americans, we mistake our right to "pursue happiness" as some sort of promise that no one should ever cause us unhappiness. And that if they do, someone will pay. </p><p>I work in the legal profession: I understand and appreciate on a daily level our constitutional rights that include our day in court...WHEN someone has committed a crime. Causing us unhappiness is not, in fact, a crime. </p><p>And I confess, I do it, too. I place blame on anti-vaxxers for prolonging the pandemic. But even if I do, and even though I have wondered if there's a way for them to "stand trial," I know that's futile. So I vent with my friends and then I go about my day. </p><p>We're allowed to feel our pain, our anger, and our sadness when we feel loss. But we should also recognize that pain is part of life. </p><p>We have to stop denying that. We have to stop fighting it. We have to recognize our trauma, our pain, so that we can properly heal. </p><p>We don't heal by yelling in people's face to take off or put on a mask. We don't heal by hiring bot farms to attack someone on social media. We don't heal when we numb the pain with drugs, alcohol, or even retail therapy.</p><p>We can only start to heal when we face our pain, our trauma. When we reach out to friends or mental health professionals that we need help. And it does help to get outside of ourselves and help someone else, if we can. </p><p><br /></p>Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12051174636017409935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4211674678201251588.post-22818003491138887662021-12-18T09:04:00.001-08:002021-12-18T09:04:42.008-08:00A Very Female-Led Xmas<p>Following up on my <a href="http://www.singleparentbalance.org/2019/06/attempting-to-achieve-more-gender.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">previous post about shopping female-led companies</a>, I'm so pleased to report how much more often I'm able to shop with businesses that are female-led or female-owned, some black woman-owned, and other small businesses not run by cis white men. (Female in this context means anyone that self-identifies as female.) </p><p>I'm hosting our family holiday celebration, and we're going with a more Mexican-themed meal: tamales, refried beans, etc. I got my beans from <a href="https://primarybeans.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Primary Beans</a>, a female-led company that features beans grown by females, when possible. I'll be serving Bloody Marys made with <a href="https://squareoneorganicspirits.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Square One</a> vodka and Bloody Mary mix (and Bloody Marias with <a href="https://www.21seeds.com/craft-cocktails" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">21Seeds</a> Tequila (jalapeno & cucumber infused). I'm also serving Avocado Hummus, which includes <a href="https://soomfoods.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Soom</a> tahini. </p><p>Some of the gifts have been wrapped with Furoshiki-style wraps from <a href="https://wrappr.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Wrappr</a>, and the patterns are designed by female artists. </p><p>Our dessert will be edible cookie dough from <a href="https://unbakedbar.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Unbaked</a>. </p><p>I've gifted wine from <a href="https://maivino.com/collections/summer-collection" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">maivino</a>, reusable plastic-free containers from <a href="https://ziptop.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Zip Top</a>, I bought the Zip Top containers from <a href="https://www.bansuprefill.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Ban SUP Refill</a>, a female-owned zero-waste refill store in Pasadena. I also picked up a gift from <a href="https://www.thenopo.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Nopo</a>, a female-founded marketplace featuring items made by artisans world-wide. I have previously purchased jigsaw puzzles from <a href="https://jiggypuzzles.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Jiggy</a>, a woman-owned company that also features female artists in their puzzles. </p><p>I'm now using hair products from <a href="https://ceremonia.com/collections/meet-your-new-hair-ritual" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Ceremonia</a>, a Latinx female-founded company, tooth tablets from <a href="https://bitetoothpastebits.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Bite</a>, <a href="https://branchbasics.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Branch Basics</a> for laundry and some cleaning, and <a href="https://www.shopwearwell.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">wearwell </a>for sustainable clothing. </p><p><a href="https://reelpaper.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Reel </a>is a black-owned company (and kept me from having to worry about any toilet paper shortages). They recently added recycled paper towels, and they're excellent. </p><p>I get the <a href="https://www.womenownedlogo.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Woman-Owned Wednesday</a> newsletter to learn about new businesses (and they also have a <a href="https://www.womenownedlogo.com/gift-guide" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">gift guide</a>), and also subscribe to <a href="https://www.buyfromablackwomandirectory.org/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Buy from a Black Woman</a>. I also support <a href="https://19thnews.org/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The 19th</a>, an independent newsroom focusing on gender politics. </p><p>Fidelity also has a Women's Leadership Fund, which is an index that includes companies that (from their website):<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14.6667px;"> at the time of initial purchase, (i) include a woman as a member of the senior management team, (ii) are governed by a board for which women represent at least one third of all directors, or (iii) in the Adviser’s opinion, have adopted policies designed to attract, retain and promote women.</span></p><p>All my hours of research are starting to pay off! I also have bookmarked several articles featuring women-owned, black-owned, native American-owned, LGBTQ-owned, etc. When I go into marketplaces that sell multiple brands, I ask about female-owned/female-led brands. Some online marketplaces are also starting to include links to narrow your search accordingly, like <a href="https://www.thegrommet.com/featured/women-owned-businesses" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Grommet</a>. </p><p>Happy (female-led) shopping! </p>Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12051174636017409935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4211674678201251588.post-60798041681610135502021-11-18T00:00:00.001-08:002021-11-18T00:00:00.214-08:00Is it Possible to Heal Without Forgiving? <div><br /></div><div>I've been exploring my past lately, and there are a lot of things that I'm seeing with a new perspective. Sometimes, we need the distance before we can do that. Some of it, honestly I've been avoiding. </div><div>But not anymore. </div><div><br /></div><div>I think it's helping because if I look back at something again, I can recognize what I felt without feeling it again. </div><div><br /></div><div>I don't hate my ex anymore. I feel nothing for him. I'm not mad, I'm not angry, but I don't pity him or wish him well either. I'm surprised that he's still alive, but that's the closest to a feeling I get. </div><div><br /></div><div>But I don't forgive him.</div><div><br /></div><div>There was a time when I blamed myself for not being able to forgive him. And then I reached the screw it stage, and just sort of forgot about him. I ask the girls every so often if they've heard from him, but we usually move on to another topic pretty easily. </div><div><br /></div><div>Watching the series <i>Maid </i>did bring those years I was with him to mind. I recognized that character a lot. But I wasn't so much about him. I was remembering the way I felt after things he would say or do. I've known for a while that he inflicted emotional abuse, but I also carried shame about it. That I "let" this happen to me. I'm letting that shame go. </div><div><br /></div><div>All of this is good. </div><div><br /></div><div>What I question now is as I've titled this. I know I don't forgive him. That would require some amount of care for him that I'm just not willing to give. And yet I still feel healthier. </div><div><br /></div><div>Do I need to forgive him to completely heal? Or is this healed enough? </div><div><br /></div><div>'Cause I feel pretty good! </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12051174636017409935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4211674678201251588.post-43166200251495069192021-11-11T00:00:00.006-08:002021-11-11T00:00:00.213-08:00Unpartnered Women Aren’t Killed By their Partners <p>I’m embarrassed to say that the thought only occurred to me from one of those gifs, but there is a feeling of relief that remaining single will help keep my life story from becoming a Lifetime movie! 10% of homicides <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mind-games/201909/the-number-women-murdered-partner-is-rising" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">are committed by an intimate partner</a>, and 70% of those killed are women. </p><p>We hear a lot about the fear that being single means dying alone. I'd rather die alone than be killed by a partner. And my taste in men is pretty rotten. </p><p>On this International Singles Day, let's celebrate life! </p><p>Let's celebrate our freedom, our financial independence, our vibrators, random encounters, and shaping our own days and nights. </p><p>My daughters recently turned 21 and 24. Sylvia is now the age I was when I had her. </p><p>The world has already changed so much. At that age, I’d never heard of Singles Day. I thought that marriage and parenthood was inevitable. I knew I could have a career, too, but I thought I was supposed to want it all. </p><p>I’m glad I chose my daughters and not the man. Any of them. </p><p>I made so many mistakes, but the best thing I did was show them that it can be done. That I could raise them without a man. </p><p>They see their future possibilities so much differently than I did at their age. I celebrate that most of all. </p><p>Happy Singles Day! </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12051174636017409935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4211674678201251588.post-87454354178984409432021-10-18T00:00:00.011-07:002021-10-18T00:00:00.246-07:00Dear Gen Z (and younger)<p>I watched a panel of accomplished female professionals speaking to middle schoolers and high schoolers, sharing their experiences and lessons learned and cheering this next generation on. And something just felt…off. </p><p>I understand the purpose was to give them hope and confidence for all that’s to come, but without acknowledging the inevitable challenges that face them, it just felt hollow. So here’s something for my daughters and younger that won’t make it on the TED circuit. </p><p>There’s going to be a moment, and probably more than one, where you look around and go, “what happened to my life?!? This is SO not working out the way I thought it would.”</p><p>I’m not going to assume the circumstances. I’m not even going to share my own because here’s the thing. Most people have felt that way at some time in their life. </p><p>And here’s the other thing: whether or not it’s your fault simply doesn’t matter. Fair or not, you’re going to have to figure out how to get through it. </p><p>Because eventually, there will come another moment where you go, “oh yeah. I remember when I felt things were hopeless.” But only if you’re still here. </p><p>So that’s Lesson #1: Stick around. Things will continue to change. The only way to see what happens next is to be here. </p><p>I’m not trying to be flip about that. Suicide is too common. Even if you have those thoughts, you don’t have to listen to them. Not all thoughts have to become action. Please stick around. </p><p>Someone recommended deleting failure from your vocabulary. If that works for her, great, but I actually think we spend too much time thinking about outcomes instead of process. Not just because that’s where we learn the most lessons, but that’s also where we are most of the time. </p><p>Most of the time, our goal is in progress. School lasts years, but the graduations are few and far between. Of course, that’s what makes them special, but the majority of memories come from the during: when you’re in school. Whether it’s walking to school with a friend or sharing a look with a classmate during a boring lecture, or trying to finish that essay. </p><p>The things to celebrate get even less predictable in the “real world” of work. Depending on the kind of work you do, you may just get a “great job” email at the end of a very long and hard project. Of course, do what you can in your own way to celebrate your accomplishments, but you’re most likely just doing it for a paycheck anyway. We all find what makes the work day enjoyable (or at least bearable) individually. It might be having a great friend as a colleague, or that you’re so busy, the hours fly by. Sure, you hope that work makes you feel fulfilled, but it’s rare that every day feels that way for most people. So we need to figure out how to get up every morning even when there’s not necessarily something exciting on our agenda that day. </p><p>Lesson #2: Do something you love every day so that you can love every day. That’s a tall order, but it should be something small. It doesn’t have to be the same thing every day. In fact, it probably shouldn’t be. Maybe one day it’s a walk in the park. Maybe it’s listening to a favorite song while you dance around the living room. Maybe it’s just snuggling with a pet. Find a moment to be present and at peace. Even on the worst days. Especially on the worst days. </p><p>I don’t mean those days filled with irritation. Pretty much every day this week something has gone wrong. I pulled a muscle, a delivery was missing an item, another went to the wrong address entirely, I mistakenly called someone the wrong name in an email, and my DIY attempt went so wrong, I had to call in a professional. </p><p>And yet, I don’t look at myself or any of those days as failures. Because I also met a tight deadline, snuggled with my kitties, danced to a favorite song, enjoyed a stand-up comedy show through Zoom, and ate spaghetti with my parents. </p><p>That’s one of the reasons I don’t get the mood tracker that’s popular in bullet journaling. I have a variety of moods every day. How on earth would I pick one? They’re all valid, and while they’re not all equal, picking one would give it too much weight. </p><p>Sometimes, we should be sad. If we lost a loved one or were in an accident or lost our job, of course, we’d want to say that sadness (or fear or anger) would be the mood to describe the day. But that doesn’t mean we didn’t laugh at some point or smile at a fond memory of our loved one. And those emotions are valid too. </p><p>Lesson #3: Don’t track your moods. </p><p>Not dissimilar to the unexpected worst days are the unexpected wonderful days. You may think that there’s nothing fun on your agenda, but then you get a call from a friend with an extra ticket to a show you wanted to attend but was sold out. Or your kids surprise you by making dinner. Be open to those moments because: </p><p>Lesson #4: It’s usually something totally unexpected that makes what you thought would be an ordinary day one of the best ever. There are a few days I’ll never forget. One of the most surreal was the day the OJ verdict was announced. I was at an event where Ed Asner bummed a cigarette off of me and we smoked together. Then I ended up at another celebrity’s house where I held her Emmy, borrowed an amazing dress, and we had dinner at one of my favorite (now defunct) restaurants. I woke up that morning with very different expectations of how that day would go. (Okay, so I’m not sure I expected an ordinary day with the event and the OJ verdict, but I think my point remains valid.)</p><p>And that dress I borrowed, I wore to another event that went incredibly well and we won! And then I broke the trophy. (We eventually got a new intact one.) </p><p>Lesson #5: Sometimes, we screw up. Or fail, or make a mistake, however you want to frame it. Sometimes the things that go wrong are our fault. We just need to sit with it. Figure out where we went wrong, if we missed any signs that doom was coming, apologize as needed, fix what we can, reflect, and move on. And maybe too, try to find a little grace when someone else’s mistake affects us. </p><p>When the delivery went to the wrong address, we eventually discovered who had it, and she gave it to me, but she also got in the delivery driver’s face with her finger pointed and said, “This is your fault!’</p><p>She didn’t know that just moments ago, he’d sincerely apologized to me and I accepted it. He admitted he’d been distracted, and clearly felt bad about it. When she yelled in his face, he just turned around and left. I couldn’t blame him. </p><p>We will all do something wrong at some point that impacts others because we’re all human. The consequences may not always be just, so we can’t count on that. We just have to keep going. </p><p>“Resilience” has become a popular buzz word for this moving on thing. I think it’s just life. Sometimes, it feels like you’re just going from set of problems to another. For me, I try to enjoy every moment from the solution to the next problem. That can last for a few minutes (like the time we picked up Riley’s new glasses and she broke them that. Same. Day!) or a few days. And sometimes, the only way to get to a solve is to stop thinking about the problem for a while and do something enjoyable. </p><p>Lesson #6: You’re going to make it. You’re going to succeed and you’re going to fail. You’re going to have moments of pure joy and you’re going to feel loss. If you stick around, you get to have all of that! </p><p>The victories will be that much sweeter because you understand loss. You will appreciate the moments of peace because of the chaos you’ve experienced. You will be grateful to kind people because you will witness the opposite. </p><p>You may have a moment where you wonder what went wrong with your life - as I have. And I have also had moments where I can’t believe that this is my life. </p><p>Now go fix the world! (Sorry we screwed it up.) </p><p><br /></p><p>P.S. I’m not really sure if the kids in middle school or high school are also Gen Z. Does anyone know what we’re calling the generation after Gen Z? </p>Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12051174636017409935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4211674678201251588.post-35485320534036163042021-10-15T00:00:00.004-07:002021-10-15T00:00:00.270-07:00Balancing Children's Needs With Your Own<p>I was talking to a friend recently that I haven't spoken to since I was deep in the midst of single parenting - my daughters were in middle school and high school back then. He was truly surprised that I wasn't broken up about being an empty nester. I think because he saw me put my children first always, he thought I would have a hard time letting go. I did not. </p><p>I told him, I think it's because I was a full-time single parent for most of their lives. There were far fewer breaks for me than parents who split custody and certainly two-parent households. </p><p>But I also think that I was making a mistake by putting my children first, always, for them and for me. </p><p>As they got older, there was still an expectation that I would drop everything for them, and it took me not doing so a few times for them to understand that they were capable of figuring out the solutions for themselves. It's not that they weren't a priority, but what they needed me to do was let go so they could shine. They needed to believe in themselves as much as I believed in them. </p><p>But this isn't really about them. I also lost sight of me.</p><p>While I have said many times that I'm not a fan of labels (and I'm not), I didn't realize how much I depended on them to define me. Mostly, as a single mother. Also, as a loyal employee and colleague, as a paralegal, a feminist, supportive friend, my cats' loyal human. And while I am proudly all of those things, there is still so much more to me. </p><p>I've been reveling in the gift of more free time. Without kids to shuttle to and from school, without having to commute to work in these COVID times, and without locking myself into Boards of non-profits, my evenings and weekends are mostly mine. And what's non-sensical is how much I still feel like the hours are limited!</p><p>It's not that I'm running around like crazy, it's that there's so much I want to do! I'm not anxious about it, I'm luxuriating in it. </p><p>I'm taking virtual tap dance classes, I'm reading multiple books, I'm watching whatever interests me, I'm writing in my journal, I'm writing here again, I'm trying new recipes, thinking about the past, planning a future, taking online classes, enjoying my cats, asking Siri random questions, coloring, I'm getting to learn and explore anything that interests me. </p><p>And that's exactly what I wish my children saw me doing more when they were growing up. Instead, they saw me always giving to others, and role modeling that behavior. </p><p>Now, I think they already understand this better than I did at their age, even with my mistakes. So my regret is not about what it did to them, but about the time I lost for me. </p><p>Some of our fondest memories are the times we spent immersed in theatre together; being in plays together, going to see musicals, listening to them in the car. A lot of conversations were sparked by a song or a line. </p><p>I know that sharing my love of theatre with them is what brought this connection. I think more connections could have been built if they'd seen me enjoying other things as well. </p><p>And I think I would've been stronger, a better mother, a more patient human, if I hadn't let so much go. </p><p>Now, obviously, we have to put our kids' safety first. We have to make sure their needs are met. Sometimes, just doing that can take up most of our energy. </p><p>Usually, when mothers talk about "me time," it's a ladies' night with alcohol or a bubble bath. Those are great, sure, but they're indulgences. Somewhere along the line, I also lost sight of reading books for pleasure, listening to music when I wasn't driving, taking my eye off the to-do list. </p><p>On a walk recently, I realized that even though I wasn't listening to a podcast or music, my mind was spinning with my to-do list - which was ridiculous because I didn't have my planner with me to write anything down, and I was actually doing something at that moment that was on my to-do list! I could just enjoy the rest of the walk and not think about what comes next. </p><p>We mothers get criticized anyway you look at it - we're either hovering or negligent; too distant or too friendly with our kids; spending too much time at work or not giving the kids breathing room. Screw it. </p><p>Once you answer these type of questions for yourself, the best thing you can do for both you and your kids is to remember what brings you joy and to share that joy with your kids. </p><p>Yes, their grades matter, but more important is their mental health. They will learn to take care of that by you role modeling what works for you. </p><p>It will probably help to think back at what you liked when you were their age and introduce that to them. They might not love it as much as you do, but they'll love being with you when you're happy! </p><p>That's the crazy, cool thing about it - focusing on your needs is actually good for your kids, too. </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12051174636017409935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4211674678201251588.post-27849773893636814622021-09-22T00:00:00.004-07:002021-09-22T00:00:00.236-07:00I Hate People who say they Hate Musicals<p> It's such a stupid thing to say. It's like saying, "I hate to be entertained." "I hate it when people try to bring joy to my life." Or really, any emotion, because I have felt them all when in the audience of a musical.</p><p><i>Next to Normal</i> left me unable to walk for a few moments as I recovered from the traumas and attempts to heal. <i>Hamilton </i>reminds me that the only thing that has ever changed the world is a small group of people. I feel the sisterhood in <i>Wicked</i>, the longing to believe in <i>The Book of Mormon</i>, the fight for humanity in <i>Rent</i>, the terrifying darkness of humanity in <i>Sweeney Todd</i>, the magical wonder of humanity in <i>Come From Away</i> and the celebration of musicals in <i>Something Rotten</i>. What's more, it shall not be forgotten that all of life's lessons are in <i>Into the Woods</i>.</p><p>My daughter and I were watching the live capture of <i>Allegiance</i>, and I was reminded how much I miss the beauty of people standing on a stage, chests open, chins up, looking longingly at a future somewhere between the heads of audience members and the light booth above. That's all it takes: a stance (similar to a superhero stance) and a dream! Just sing your I Want song, and in less than 3 hours, you will be living the dream! </p><p>For anyone that doesn't appreciate that EVER, we don't need to know each other. </p><p>What's even more infuriating is that usually when someone says that, they then go on to admit to one or two (or more) musicals that they did enjoy. OH, so it's NOT the whole genre after all, IS IT? </p><p>Superhero movies are not my thing, but I've seen Black Panther, the first Iron Man, Superman (with Christopher Reeve) and a few others. So I don't say that I HATE superhero movies. I say that they're not my thing. I'm not going to line up to be the first to see a new superhero movie. I'm not going to set up a Google alert for superhero movies. I'm not going to obsess about them. But I'm not also not going to dismiss the entire genre.</p><p>Whenever I do say I hate something in front of my father, he says "hate is such a strong word," and my response is usually, "yes, I feel strongly about this!" </p><p>So if you feel strongly that you hate musicals, you can never visit this blog again, please and thank you. </p><p>But if you do love musicals, I'm getting very excited about the Tonys this Sunday! And I have been loving and living for the Broadway (and off-Broadway) content appearing again!</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12051174636017409935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4211674678201251588.post-90101026166967380282021-09-08T00:00:00.001-07:002021-09-08T00:00:00.173-07:00New Shopping Rules<p> My daughter and I are just about to complete YNAB's <a href="https://www.youneedabudget.com/34dayreset/" target="_blank">34 Day Reset</a>, and I've been thinking about my shopping habits and what I want to change. </p><p>I've written previously about my quest to buy from <a href="http://www.singleparentbalance.org/2019/06/attempting-to-achieve-more-gender.html" target="_blank">women-led companies</a>, and that's still a priority, but so is supporting businesses led by people of color, and companies that are eco-conscious. </p><p>I do have to balance this with my other priorities, like the roof over my head! So there are still Amazon purchases in my past, present and future, but doing this reset reminded me that sometimes, I hit "checkout" a little too soon. So I'm also working on putting more time between the thought and the actual purchase, and when I can afford the time and purchase price, incorporating my values, too. </p><p>While I'm not entirely doing <a href="https://bemorewithless.com/project-333/" target="_blank">Project 333</a>, the fact that I've gained weight during this pandemic (+ menopause!) means many of my clothes just don't fit anymore. I'm slowly purging the items I know will never fit me again, and boxing up clothes that I would like to wear again someday, but getting them out of my closet for now. </p><p>I'm also thinking about the high cost of clothes. Buying cheap means they're using either slave labor or something close to it, but I don't want to pay high prices for clothes that hopefully will be too big for me if I'm able to achieve my weight loss goals. So for now, I've decided that most of my clothing will be purchased second-hand, which is also good for the environment. I found a second-hand shop that supports women's shelters and is women-owned: triple win!</p><p>I also keep a list of businesses led by women* and POC. From now on, I'm only buying new clothing from those companies. Bonus points for women/POC-led companies that are also somehow sustainable. If I'm paying an arm and a leg, I need to feel good about who profits from my purchase. </p><p>I'm also going to start researching B-certified corporations, <a href="https://bcorporation.net/certification" target="_blank">companies that are legally required </a>by such formation to consider the impact on the environment, their workers, their suppliers and their community. I know that even with the rigorous requirements, that still doesn't make them perfect, but it might be a worthwhile option for other kinds of purchases besides clothes. </p><p>Looking back at my purchases over the 34 Day Reset, there are far fewer! I might've slipped a couple of times, but even then, the drastic decrease of receipts and orders to track was startling. I've never claimed to be a minimalist, but it opened my eyes to how much of a typical American consumer I am. Or have been. It's a work in progress.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>*My definition of women includes anyone that identifies themselves as such</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12051174636017409935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4211674678201251588.post-24075598925265099552021-09-04T00:00:00.001-07:002021-09-10T12:12:22.089-07:00I Said No and I Don't Feel Guilty!<p>This may not seem like a big deal to some, and I hope that's the case for most, but I was pleasantly surprised at just how easily "no" came to me recently!</p><p>A former colleague and casual acquaintance reached out to let me know about her new business venture. It's not my thing, and I wished her well, but told her I was going to pass when she offered me a "friends" package. </p><p>I realized as I was sending that "no, thank you" that there have been many times in the past where I've felt that since someone was kind enough to think of me that I had to reciprocate by participating. This time, that thought felt foreign. In a previous life, I would've fretted about the timing and place, but felt obligated to be there. I do hope she finds success and I'm glad that she's excited about this, but I can express those feelings in a simple text instead. </p><p>I have made some stupid, awful mistakes for the sake of "being nice." Mistakes that were meant to avoid hurting others, but inevitably led to others, as well as myself, being hurt. Turns out that being dishonest is never nice, no matter one's intention. </p><p>It's no secret that women are conditioned to sacrifice themselves for others, and it's not always wrong to do so, but I think I've now internalized that I can say no without worry of how others will view me. </p><p>I was tempted to say that it's because I have more self-confidence, but really, I think I've realized that people are going to think what they think, and usually, they're not thinking about me as often as I used to think they were! I'm sure my friend that invited me has just moved on and is more concerned with finding people that are interested than whether or not I am. </p><p>Certainly, there have been plenty of times when people have said no to me, and it's been for a variety of reasons. If I noticed that people never showed, I took note of that, but ultimately, I didn't let that one note define our entire relationship. I trust (now) that's how most people will weigh my own "no." </p><p>I told my friend, no thank you and wished her well, and she responded with appreciation. Turns out, the thought really does count! </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12051174636017409935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4211674678201251588.post-19025822848313389652021-06-30T00:00:00.001-07:002021-06-30T00:00:00.181-07:00Meditation So FarI resisted mediation for a long time. I was one of those that said, "I can't sit still," "I can't do the breathing" and "My mind won't stop thinking." It's amazing how much we get wrong when we hear a few phrases and think we know what meditation is. <div><br /></div><div>Now, I am no expert, and I'm not even going to try and talk about its history or what meditation is for anyone else but me. So why bother? I think maybe this might provide encouragement to others who think they "can't" meditate. </div><div><br /></div><div>My company sponsored a few virtual sessions on meditation last summer, and that was when it started to make sense to me. </div><div><br /></div><div>To begin with, it reminded me of the relaxation exercises we would sometimes do in acting classes. We'd lie on the floor, eyes closed, and focus on relaxing the top of our head, then the forehead, etc., all the way down. </div><div><br /></div><div>Meditation uses different language (that form of focusing your attention on your body top to bottom - or bottom to top - is called "scanning"), but the purpose is to give your mind a singular focus. It's not about "not thinking," but about thinking about one thing at a time. </div><div><br /></div><div>In the business world, people talk about "flow" state. Turning off the bells and reminders and focusing solely on the work in front of you. </div><div><br /></div><div>That is one of the benefits of meditation: it helps you learn to focus the mind on just one thing at a time. </div><div><br /></div><div>Of course, it doesn't always work. That's where "noting" comes in. You don't judge the mind for wandering, you just "note" it. And then bring your focus back on the body, the breath, whatever that one thing is. </div><div><br /></div><div>This has been the real revelation for me! I think many of us who consider ourselves type A personalities, those of us who strive for perfect attendance, 100%, straight As...we can be rather hard on ourselves. Sometimes, we're also hard on other people, too. </div><div><br /></div><div>I am learning to forgive myself. I am learning that it's okay to not be perfect at this. That's why they call it a practice. And beating myself up only takes time and effort away from doing the thing. </div><div><br /></div><div>I do get restless, and I want to change positions or stretch out my back. So I do! I don't get caught up in doing this "perfectly," and not moving a muscle. If I have an itch, I scratch it. Otherwise, I will be spending all my energy and focus trying not to. This way, I move, then I go back to scanning the body or counting my breaths, whatever the exercise is. I'm a beginner, and I'm not going to be perfect at this. </div><div><br /></div><div>The whole purpose is to help me, so it doesn't do me any good if I just mad at myself. I just have to begin again. </div><div><br /></div><div>This is also helping me in other areas. I've started tap dancing again, and I was getting angry at myself for not getting it quick enough - for what, I don't know! Now, I just do it, practice it, and remember that I'm doing it for fun! So I should probably have fun with it. </div><div><br /></div><div>And, bonus, it is helping me feel a little less anger or resentment towards others. Not all the time, of course, but sometimes. Like there was a day when I was driving, and a car totally cut me off. Rather than get angry, I just thought to myself, "that guy's an asshole - noted!" and moved on with my life. Granted, calling him an asshole is indeed a judgment, but it didn't affect my own emotional state. </div><div><br /></div><div>Progress: recently merging onto a freeway, I had that experience where someone decided that they needed to be in front of me, even though it was not their turn. That time, I thought, "wow, you really need this, don't you? Okay, I'll give you this win. Clearly, it means more to you." Again - not without judgment, but I didn't call them a name this time - even in my head!</div><div><br /></div><div>BTW, sorry that both of my examples are regarding driving, but (a) I live in SoCal - we spend a LOT of time in our cars, and (b) I'm still not getting out much yet! </div><div><br /></div><div>Of course, I still lose my temper, I still get distracted, and I'm not consistent with my practice yet. Overall, however, I'm really glad I started! </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12051174636017409935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4211674678201251588.post-74404364676108533052021-06-22T08:00:00.000-07:002021-06-22T08:00:21.710-07:00Balancing the Game of Life<p> We use gaming terms effortlessly in our everyday language. "She's on a roll!" "I'm a loser." "He needs a win." And, of course, every parent's favorite: "It's not fair!"</p><p>I get it. Sports are popular. Games are popular. Many people thrive from their competitive nature. It's a natural analogy or metaphor that most people understand. </p><p>Unfortunately, it can also create an "us" against "them" atmosphere. It makes it instinctive to think that someone else's win means that you've lost something, when that's not always true. </p><p>Yes, it can mean that you didn't get a promotion that went to a colleague instead, or someone outbid you on a house. But even then, it doesn't mean that you'll <i>never </i>get a promotion or a house. </p><p>When we think of something as a zero sum game, it can create resentment that's not only possibly unfair, it hurts us more than it hurts them. </p><p>Quite simply, it's just not a good use of our time. </p><p>Now, I'm still about balance here. There is such a thing as healthy competition, and sometimes we can strive for more by seeing where we are compared to others. </p><p>But when it starts making you feel bad, it's no longer useful. </p><p>Get back to your personal goal. In the housing example, maybe it's not the right time or market for you. Could you look for something smaller or further away? Maybe wait another year and save more or pay down more debt. If you didn't get a promotion, ask for feedback on what skills you need to gain. </p><p>Let's also remember that games are supposed to be fun! If striving for your goal no longer motivates you, is it time to re-examine that goal? </p><p>I don't necessarily mean to give up entirely, but maybe it needs a tweak here and there. If home ownership isn't viable right now, could you move to a better apartment with more amenities? If it looks like you're at a dead end in your career, could you make a lateral move with more opportunities down the line? </p><p>Thinking about those areas that are in your own locus of control will be way more productive than focusing your attention and energy on those that "beat" you. </p><p>In the name of balance, go ahead and take a happy hour to vent with your friends. Everyone is allowed some time to process. </p><p>The next day, give yourself some time to brainstorm other avenues to score your own goal! </p><p>Yeah, couldn't help it. </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12051174636017409935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4211674678201251588.post-37759577771139305112021-06-20T09:25:00.002-07:002021-06-20T09:25:37.903-07:00A New Chapter<p>While the pandemic delayed this chapter, it seems that it might be real this time. Sylvia has once again left home for her cruise ship job, and the nest is empty!</p><p>Riley moved into her own apartment about a year ago now, so she’s fully launched, even though she’s still in college. </p><p>Alas, I have become a cliche of sorts. I adopted two cats during the pandemic. Why do I insist upon being outnumbered? Still, I’m really glad they’re here. And they love each other deeply. My IG is all them.</p><p>I have been trying really hard to figure out what’s next, and then I was reminded how much this blog gave to me the last time I felt lost. It might be foolish to expect blogging to solve everything, but I do love to write so here I am. </p><p>I know, nobody blogs anymore. I’m not paying attention to SEO or followers or anything like that. I just miss having this platform to process. And oh my goodness, there’s a lot to process!</p><p>I didn’t make sourdough, I didn’t buy a Peloton, and while I tried regular walks, it just didn’t click for me. I did find a few things, though. </p><p>I started meditating. And then I stopped, and now I’m starting again. Last summer was the first time I enjoyed the practice. It reminded me of the breathing and relaxation exercises we would do in acting classes when I was younger. I finally started to appreciate this opportunity to do nothing. Well, nothing else, anyway. </p><p>Riley got me back into bullet journaling - something else I tried before, but stopped.</p><p>I’m realizing how many times I’ve started and stopped a variety of activities, but I’m trying not to judge myself for it. I’m finding my way back to those things that I enjoy.</p><p>I almost said “bring me joy,” but that term just doesn’t work for me. I am beginning to appreciate my own pursuit of happiness in a new way.</p><p>I find that I don’t beat myself up as much when I’m blogging. I don’t call myself an idiot here, or berate myself for making stupid mistakes. Particularly now, when the world outside and in have undergone so many changes, I appreciate this place where I can focus on growing without the judgment.</p><p>A few years ago, I realized I was an introvert so most of the time, I love being home alone! I love singing whenever I want, playing my podcasts, cooking what I like to eat. I cherish living alone. </p><p>But I need to balance that with some outside accountability. I can get into my head too much sometimes. Pushing that publish button helps. </p><p>Oh, something else that I used to do that I’ve started again is tap dancing! I found this online workout tap thing that I am just loving. And I really needed to find something because the weight gain is out of control! I can accept some changes to my body because of menopause. I can even accept some weight gain due to the lockdown. Unfortunately, the combination was overwhelming. </p><p>And yet, overall, this is probably the least stressful my life has been in a few decades. </p><p>I still can’t believe I’m a homeowner! And I was able to refinance and get my interest rate below 3%. I kept working (from home) this entire time. Heck, I even got to watch <i>Hamilton</i> multiple times! And while a few family members did get COVID, thankfully, everyone recovered without having to go to the hospital. And I remained well. </p><p>There is so much to be thankful for, and so much to improve. I still believe, it’s all about balance. </p><p><br /></p>Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12051174636017409935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4211674678201251588.post-88560057774163572062019-12-23T17:37:00.002-08:002019-12-23T17:37:58.467-08:00I’m a Homeowner!! Truly, a sentence I didn’t think I’d write.<br />
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December 2003, I was moving into a 1-bedroom apartment, where I would sleep on a futon in the living room, starting life over as a single mom with two girls not quite 3 and 6. We furnished the place using hand-me-downs from colleagues and friends, or pulled out from my parents' attic, having been stored there since I left Los Angeles before I'd had either daughter. We were the recipients of my department's Adopt-a-Family program that year (albeit unofficially).<br />
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I hadn't graduated college yet. I didn't know where the next decade would take me or the girls. I sometimes doubted my ability to ever feel whole again.<br />
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And here I am, a college graduate with a paralegal's certificate. I've been promoted up to a manager title, working for one of the most quintessential household names. Trustee of my own estate plan. And holder of my own deed. And future.<br />
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My daughters are finding their own way. I still don't understand when parents grieve their children growing up because I'm finding so much joy in this part. I love watching them grow up and become adults that care about the world and the people in it. I'm so proud of the young women they're becoming.<br />
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Sylvia loves her job because she sees it as bringing joy to children. Obviously, there's more to it than that, but she understands the joy as the motivation behind everything she does, so she strives to do it as well as she possibly can. Honestly, what more could a mother want?<br />
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Riley loves her job because she helps children. She enjoys school because she loves learning more about the world and figuring out how she can do her part. She delights in making people happy. Her smile always has and always will light up my world.<br />
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And now, as I joked to Riley earlier, if I die, I'm leaving you an asset!<br />
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I feel prepared for the responsibility now, and grateful that it's a townhouse so there's still an HOA to call for the roof! I have worked so hard at getting my financial life together that even though I've just taken on a whole heap of debt, I know I can manage it. I have visions for the future, but not so clear that there's not room for nice surprises!<br />
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I feel proud and empowered and grateful and lucky and pure joy! Today has become a new holiday for me. And I've opened the bottle of wine to celebrate!<br />
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<br />Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12051174636017409935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4211674678201251588.post-16918433014833813462019-06-19T00:00:00.000-07:002019-06-25T09:47:39.406-07:00Attempting to Achieve More Gender Balance by Tipping the ScalesI was inspired by Erin Gibson's book <a href="https://www.feminasty.com/" target="_blank">Feminasty</a> to start paying more attention to my purchasing power.<br />
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It's so easy to feel helpless these days. I can't afford the big-ticket dinners to schmooze with people running for office. While I do donate to some non-profits and causes, I'm not enthusiastic enough to get involved beyond that. I don't see any benefit to arguing with people online about issues. I have been feeling pretty helpless.<br />
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But in her chapter on cosmetics, Gibson reminded me what really counts - and what I've always said: follow the money. I may not have a lot of money, and I may not buy as many cosmetics as my daughter, but I can choose which companies get my money.<br />
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I have chosen <a href="https://eccobella.com/" target="_blank">Ecco Bella</a> as my cosmetics provider. They're affordable enough and not only have a female CEO, but their company has not yet been purchased by one of the larger companies that have bought many of the female-led brands.<br />
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I was using Grove Collaborative for many of my eco-friendly products (including the bamboo straws that I have in my purse at all times), but when I saw that not only their CEO is male, their entire Board is male, I made the switch to <a href="https://mightynest.com/" target="_blank">Mightynest</a>. While the CEO is male, the co-founder is female (they're a couple), their COO is female, and one female Board member. Better than Grove!<br />
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I found <a href="https://mybillie.com/" target="_blank">billie</a> to provide my razors. They're the same price as that other shave club (which, BTW, just got purchased by Gillette, and also is run by males), and is run by a female. I found <a href="https://www.goddessgarden.com/" target="_blank">Goddess Garden</a> for sunscreen and <a href="https://smartypits.com/" target="_blank">SmartyPits</a> for natural (aluminum free) deodorant, both female-led companies. After Newish closed its doors, I found <a href="https://acuratedthrift.cratejoy.com/" target="_blank">A Curated Thrift</a>, a secondhand clothing subscription service, which is led by a woman.<br />
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Even before I started this quest, I'd switched from Betterment to <a href="https://www.ellevest.com/" target="_blank">ElleVest</a>, an online investing platform made by and for women. (At the time I made the switch, Betterment did not have a single female on its Board.)<br />
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The most frustrating part of this journey is how unbelievably hard it is to find out who runs or owns these companies. I would really love for someone to run a website where I can just type in the item I want to buy, and refine results to those companies that are either run by women, or have at least 50% female Board members. (Just to be clear, when I say "woman" or "female," I would also include transgender women.) <br />
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In my search for that optimum search, I have found <a href="https://www.pursepower.com/" target="_blank">Purse Power</a>, <a href="https://www.womenownedlogo.com/buy-women-owned-directory/" target="_blank">Women Owned</a>, and the <a href="https://www.feminist.com/market/wombus/" target="_blank">Feminist Directory</a>. Those have helped, but not always. I was about to give up on new shoes when I thought of Etsy, and found shoes handmade by a couple (still not ideal, but at least independent and half-owned by a woman).<br />
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Of course, this isn't everything I buy, and I still buy products from the big brands, but I will continue to search for viable alternatives as much as possible. It is true that sometimes these products are more expensive than what I could find in national retailers, but most of the time, the price tag isn't that much higher. If it is a lot higher, I keep searching!<br />
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I know that my dollars aren't enough to change things, but they are my dollars, and I get to decide who gets them. I've long requested female doctors/health care providers. Now I'm just extending the list as much as I can.<br />
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We've pretty much been half the population always, and in the past century, we have made a lot of progress towards true equality. But not nearly enough. Not NEARLY enough! And in the past few decades, the progress has stalled. I do believe that as long as we are vastly outnumbered in government and business, these gender gaps will stay relatively the same. The only way to change things is for women to be in powerful positions. The only way to get them there is to demand it.<br />
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We have seen glimpses of this working already. More corporations are at least trying to placate us on International Women's Day. They are becoming more aware that <a href="https://girlpowermarketing.com/statistics-purchasing-power-women/" target="_blank">we make the majority of decisions on consumer spending</a>. But as long as we keep giving them our money without any female representation on their Board or in the C-suite positions, we can't be too surprised that they don't make any real effort to change things. It doesn't look broken to them!<br />
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When I have canceled subscriptions or deleted my account, I tell them that it's because they don't have enough female representation. Imagine if even 10% of women did this! Imagine if profit margins fell and those former customers told them that's why we were leaving. Even if they thought it was just to look good, just having more women in those meetings would make a difference.<br />
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I am also so encouraged by the generations behind me. I see that my daughters and their friends will not accept inequality in the workplace. I have learned from them that things I thought were just the cost of being a woman are not (and should never have been) acceptable. I have seen the conversation change in my adult life.<br />
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Even as awful as things are right now, there is some progress that cannot be stopped. Part of that progress is that we no longer need a man's permission before we take out our wallet. So let's take full advantage of that.<br />
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<br />Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12051174636017409935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4211674678201251588.post-1813877839968069232019-03-26T00:00:00.000-07:002019-03-26T00:00:06.966-07:00Kakeibo: Another Way to Think About BudgetingI enjoyed learning about KonMari (the Japanese decluttering method by Marie Kondo), so I was intrigued when I read about <a href="https://www.moneycrashers.com/kakeibo-japanese-budgeting-method-save-money/" target="_blank">Kakeibo</a>, a Japanese method of budgeting. It sounds a lot like the <a href="http://www.singleparentbalance.org/2013/03/financial-update-tax-refund-and-new-plan.html" target="_blank">Magic Little Notebook</a> method I first used before YNAB (which probably stemmed from the Kakeibo method, but I just didn't know it). <div>
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In the Kakeibo article, there was reference to a study finding that students who take handwritten notes retain the information better than those who use laptops or other electronic means. </div>
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I think that's why I took to YNAB so well - I was already in the habit of tracking my expenses, and the app just made it easier to do so. </div>
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This Kakeibo method uses questions that are similar to the YNAB Rules:</div>
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Kakeibo: How much money do you have available?</div>
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<a href="https://www.youneedabudget.com/method/" target="_blank">YNAB Rule One</a>: Give every dollar a job. </div>
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In both cases, you only deal with the money you actually have today. </div>
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Kakeibo: How much money do you want to save?</div>
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<a href="https://www.youneedabudget.com/method/rule-two/" target="_blank">YNAB Rule Tw</a>o: Embrace your true expenses.</div>
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In both cases, you are looking at what you will need in the future. </div>
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Kakeibo: How much are you spending?</div>
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<a href="https://www.youneedabudget.com/method/rule-three/" target="_blank">YNAB Rule Three</a>: Roll with the punches.</div>
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In both cases, you are looking at what's actually happening to your money in the present. </div>
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Kakeibo: How can you improve?</div>
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<a href="https://www.youneedabudget.com/method/rule-four/" target="_blank">YNAB Rule Four</a>: Age your money.</div>
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In both cases, you are looking at how you can improve your financial situation. </div>
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It's also interesting that both methods use four steps. </div>
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So if you have tried YNAB, but found that you weren't actually using the app, maybe it's time to take a step back and put pen to paper. </div>
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If you have tried Kakeibo, but found the handwriting too tedious, maybe it's time to give YNAB a whirl (use <a href="https://ynab.com/referral/?ref=Aik-OPc6LOwcl6VB&utm_source=customer_referral" target="_blank">this link</a> for a free month). </div>
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Of course, there are other ways to do this without using either Kakeibo or YNAB. The important thing is to continue to try to spend less than you make, and grow your savings. When it comes down to it, that's really the point. </div>
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Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12051174636017409935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4211674678201251588.post-12734453210130700112018-07-26T12:30:00.000-07:002018-07-26T12:30:11.302-07:00Balancing Affordable ShoppingI hate shopping for clothes. I don't want to pay full price at retail stores in malls (plus, I hate malls), and while I have found some good options at Goodwill or the like, it usually takes too long to find something in my size that I actually want. I tried StitchFix a few years ago, but that's not exactly affordable, either.<br />
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A couple of months ago, I came across <a href="http://itsnewish.com/" target="_blank">ItsNewish</a>. This combines the "personal shopper" experience that companies like StitchFix offer, with two important distinctions.<br />
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One: As you might guess from the name, these are gently used clothes. Don't worry, they're washed and arrive in good condition. I've even had a few items come with tags. Not only does this help with value, but let's face it: there's already too much waste in the world. Buying something used is good for the environment!<br />
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Two: It's a flat price. You either pay $40 for 2 items per month, or $60 for 4 items per month. I love that I know exactly how much it will cost each month. (Okay, it's actually $39.95 or $59.95.)<br />
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They also have a free exchange policy. You have to go to the site and fill out a form about why you're returning it, but this also helps them understand any issues and they'll do better next time! Just note that you won't receive your exchange item until the next month's shipment.<br />
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I was thrilled with the first pair of dress pants they sent. They have usable front pockets! And they fit really well, which can be difficult for me since I'm 5'3". I've also gotten a few blouses that are just the right side of different than what I would've chosen for myself, but still feel like me, only better.<br />
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You can also request items that you see on their site, but that's too much like shopping for me. I have, however, let them know if I'm looking for something in particular, and they've come through. <br />
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If you use my referral code: NEWISHAM9899, you will get 25% off, and I'll get a referral fee. But I started recommending them to my friends and family even before they offered the referral program.<br />
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(I also tried ThredUp's "Goody Box," but I wasn't thrilled. Out of 15 items, I only kept 2, and the box is friggin' huge and a PITA to ship back.)<br />
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Call me high maintenance, but I want affordable clothes that I like and fit me without having to go anywhere. Thanks to <a href="http://itsnewish.com/" target="_blank">ItsNewish</a>, I'm getting exactly what I want!<br />
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(Don't forget to use my referral code: NEWISHAM9899)<br />
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<br />Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12051174636017409935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4211674678201251588.post-45166603808686230432018-07-12T09:14:00.000-07:002018-07-12T09:14:06.418-07:00Why I Hate Walt Whitman and other parenting lessons I've learnedAs Sylvia nears her 21st birthday and Riley starts college next month, I'm about to enter the next era of parenting. It will no longer be my responsibility to get them to school or feed them dinner anymore. Of course, being a mother never stops, but it certainly changes.<br />
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This feels like a good time to assess and to share what I have learned in these years. One of the earliest is why I hate Walt Whitman.<br />
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He (and others) depicted motherhood for us. Let's just start with the wrongness of that sentiment, shall we? One of the many "pale males" telling us what good motherhood looks like. We are to cradle our babies in a rocking chair, soothing, nurturing, with all the patience in the world.<br />
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Sure, I have memories that I will treasure forever of holding these girls in my arms. I also have memories of feeling like a failure because giving birth didn't automatically gift me with patience, or stop me from caring about my own life, career, wants, needs. Yet the messages that are instilled in us through portraits, poetry and commercials is one of that forever patient nurturer, with no thoughts or feelings of our own.<br />
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If you're a new mom, let me just tell you, it is okay to think about yourself. It is okay to want someone else to hold the child from time to time. It is okay to care for yourself.<br />
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Not only is it okay, it's good mothering.<br />
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Let's think long-term, shall we? What do we want for our children? Do we want them to be dependent upon us for the rest of their lives? Or do we want them to become independent, caring, productive individuals? Do we want them to pursue their dreams, or do we want them to always put someone else's needs before their own?<br />
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A child can't possibly learn to think for themselves, care for themselves and others, and explore all that the world has to offer if their mother (or father or other primary caregiver) never models that behavior for them.<br />
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As always, it's all about balance, of course. As a parent, you do have to make sure they're fed, bathed, housed, and yes, loved. But don't buy into the Walt Whitman model. Caring for yourself, and even caring for others besides your child, is the only way a child will learn how to be a whole human being.<br />
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Another harsh lesson: you will not be able to shield your child from being hurt, and unless you hurt them yourself, it will not be your fault.<br />
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I was watching a TV show where a woman was crying about her failure to protect her child. Now, of course, I also feel it when my child has been hurt. It sucks. It's never what we want. But our job in those moments is to help our child manage and get through their pain. If you believe that you're a failure because your child was hurt, you're not only delusional, you're welcoming self-hatred for no good reason. And when you practice self-hatred, guess what? You're also modeling self-hatred to your child. Stuff happens. To <i>everybody</i>. We are not shaped by the hurt or failure, we are shaped by how we respond to it.<br />
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I also learned how to separate myself from their problems. I learned this from a book on sibling rivalry: what's their problem, what's my problem, and what's our problem? When it's their problem, I learned how to just become a sounding board. Maybe offer up some ideas, but still make it clear that it's up to them to find the solution. My problems meant I owned up to them. I could discuss it with them, make it a "teachable" moment, but they knew I was making the decision on how to move forward. Our problems were opportunities to collaborate and compromise. Of course, these didn't always result in win-win(-win) situations, but once we know how to move forward, if someone was feeling slighted, then that moved into "their problem" territory and my job was not to fix it, but to help them deal with their disappointment.<br />
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I became a better mother (and person) when I stopped giving a crap of what other people thought of my parenting. I had to do what worked for me and for us. I got better at it when I stopped reading parenting articles (like this one ;) and when I just went with what felt right. That doesn't mean I didn't continue to make mistakes. Of course, I did. But I took responsibility for them, explained why I made the decisions I did and then just kept going.<br />
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Listen, my kids aren't perfect and neither am I. Again, it's a one-way street to disappointment and failure if anyone thinks otherwise. But I do feel comfortable in my skin. And I do <i>like </i>my children. Not all the time, but enough to make the statement. We have lots of laughs together and I'm so excited for and proud of both of them. When something happens to either of them or me, we tell each other first. We are honest with each other, we fight with each other, and we fiercely love each other.<br />
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I tell our story not to brag or boast or tell another family how to live their lives, but to hopefully, bring some comfort and strength to any mother (or father or other primary caregiver) that doesn't think she fits the "mold" of motherhood. Smash the mold, find your voice, and you and your kids will be all right.Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12051174636017409935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4211674678201251588.post-11727375157980818712017-12-09T09:19:00.000-08:002017-12-09T09:19:05.332-08:00When Paying Full Price Is a Better ValueJean Chatzky has said that she resolved to only pay full price for items. As Tevye would say, "sounds crazy, no?" But the real question is, do we really value the items when we buy them on sale?<br />
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Now, of course, if you already have something on your grocery list, and they're selling it at half off, great! But if you're only buying something because you got a coupon or it's on the Sale page of a website, it's worth asking, <i>would I buy this if I could only get it at the pre-discount price?</i><br />
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I have been donating or discarding some items in my closet or elsewhere that I don't value as much because I paid so little. Off-hand, I can remember a sweater I bought at Goodwill that ended up back at Goodwill because I never wore it. There are definitely some books in my Kindle library that I bought for .99 that I've never read. So I know what it's like to see something and think, oh what the hell for that price! But take a look at your own closet, library or whatever and ask yourself if you value the actual item, or merely the discount.<br />
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Some factors to consider before buying: if you buy a tangible item, will you follow the "one in-one out" rule and get rid of something else (<i>i.e.</i>, donate a pair of shoes for every pair that you buy)? If you're budgeting via categories, do you have enough in that category to cover the cost, or will you have to steal from another category to pay for it? If it's an experience, are you willing to pay full price if they don't honor your Groupon?<br />
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Of course, when you know you need or want to buy something, shopping around for the best price is prudent. But that's not the same as clicking on a link simply because it's offering you a discount, or adding something to your virtual or literal cart because it's marked down.<br />
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Value is not just about the cost of something. The true value is how much you use it/wear it/enjoy the experience.<br />
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<br />Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12051174636017409935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4211674678201251588.post-12615477678096332542017-06-19T00:00:00.000-07:002017-06-19T00:00:39.747-07:00Knowing What's for DinnerIt's astonishingly easy to find yourself running around like the proverbial chicken. Trying to keep up with work, kids, social life, personal goals, etc. can be daunting with a mere 24 hours in a day. But taking a breath, spending a little time to organize these activities can dramatically reduce this feeling...and probably your spending, too.<br />
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I was surprised to learn from my daughter that we're the only family she knows at school that has a meal plan. They're all improvising on a daily basis. That sounds exhausting to me! And if last-minute meals means trips through the drive-thru or eating out at a restaurant, the lack of routine is costing you money, too. I know we lived like that too way back when, but it seems so foreign to me now. I thrive on our routines, and Riley does, too.<br />
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Taking a few minutes every week to plan your weekly meal plan and your grocery shopping an will not only help your budget, but your stress level.<br />
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My friend makes fun of me for my routines. I have a day where I go grocery shopping, a laundry day, a fast food night, and meals planned at least a week in advance. <br />
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I use <a href="http://www.pepperplate.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Pepperplate</a> for my meal planning (for free). I import all my recipes in there, then use the planner to pick the day for each meal. They also have a shopping page where I can select all the ingredients I will need to add to my shopping list.<br />
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I don't use their shopping list at the grocery store. There, I use <a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/valuetracker/id553352841?mt=8" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">ValueTracker</a>, which costs 99 cents, but it was the only one I could find where it let me also track the unit prices for everything. I have a pretty good estimate even before shopping of what my total bill will be and if it's looking too high, I can change my meal plan before I go to the store to make sure it fits my budget.<br />
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We shop at <a href="https://www.aldi.us/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Aldi</a>. I was thrilled when they started to open in Southern California! It was my favorite store in Rochester, NY because the prices are so much less than any other store. The closest to us is still about 20 minutes away, but completely worth it. I'm getting pretty good at choosing meals where we can exclusively shop at Aldi, but every so often, we will need to go to another store to complete our list. Still worth it.<br />
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I plan slow cooker or Instant Pot meals for Mondays and Thursdays. Riley cooks on Tuesdays. I choose more labor-intensive meals for the weekends. We grocery shop on Fridays and Wednesday night is our fast food night. <br />
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My favorite site for recipes is <a href="https://www.budgetbytes.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Budget Bytes</a>, which now has an app and a book. I started to enjoy cooking with Budget Bytes. My second favorite is <a href="http://www.supercook.com/#/recipes" target="_blank">Supercook </a>because you can search recipes by what ingredients you currently have.<br />
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Riley knows she has to choose her recipe to cook by Thursday so I can include it on the list for Friday shopping and make whatever changes need to be made to accommodate. I don't put any restrictions on what she can cook (other than it can't be dessert!) to help her have an appreciation for cooking...an appreciation I didn't gain until I was at least 35!<br />
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After the groceries are put away, I update <a href="https://ynab.com/referral/?ref=Aik-OPc6LOwcl6VB&utm_source=customer_referral" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">YNAB </a>so I can see where I am for the monthly budget, and ValueTracker with the most current prices.<br />
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On Sundays, I make my lunches for the next work week. I usually also put them in to-go containers as soon as it's ready so I don't really have to think about it in the morning.<br />
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After I do the dishes each night, I check Pepperplate to see if anything needs to be defrosted for the following night's dinner.<br />
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All told, it took me longer to write this post than it takes to do everything I wrote here, except for the actual grocery shopping. (Riley bags everything for us at Aldi - which she enjoyed more with the Fiat's smaller trunk because it was a harder game of Tetris then.)<br />
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Since implementing all of these routines, the last being switching to Aldi when they opened, we have not gone over budget with our grocery shopping. And we've also been known to buy a few things not on the list! I also try really hard not to stop by a store in between our weekly shopping trips. A few times, we've not had much choice, but usually, even if we've forgotten something or a dinner doesn't turn out right, we can improvise with what we have at home.<br />
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If you haven't yet tried meal planning, start with planning at least 2 days in advance what you'll be eating. Then 3, and then a week. Starting small may help it feel less daunting.<br />
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Eventually, I'm gonna guess that <i>not </i>having a plan will feel more stressful! <br />
<br />Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12051174636017409935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4211674678201251588.post-41807477457342217652017-06-02T11:53:00.001-07:002017-06-02T11:53:55.356-07:00Available Free with Kindle Unlimited!So proud to announce that my book is now free on Kindle Unlimited!<br />
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<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ss&ref=as_ss_li_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=itsal01-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B0141HKQXS&asins=B0141HKQXS&linkId=39bd7c159ea2678e9d5e31ec11d32724&show_border=true&link_opens_in_new_window=true" style="height: 240px; width: 120px;"></iframe><br />Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12051174636017409935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4211674678201251588.post-9371450412121869212017-04-03T00:00:00.000-07:002017-04-03T00:00:21.918-07:00Financial Update: I bought a car! My lease was coming to a close, so I decided to take some of the experts' advice and buy - but I do have a car payment, and I'm totally fine with that.<br />
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I bought a car that I love, love, love. A Toyota Prius Prime:<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3w8S0qbkfOj51AHsfhhd4FgCLgLrNQVfeD9yAxh7UR8Yg2Eonw3W0WvSAE0N7AnkQoKI7jNaVsioGsQ-KHFBQIjK6S69ZKB3oko1cVa6KWcFXQUMCLwesIY340x3GbUnPsjSDA6e_pxy6/s1600/pretty.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3w8S0qbkfOj51AHsfhhd4FgCLgLrNQVfeD9yAxh7UR8Yg2Eonw3W0WvSAE0N7AnkQoKI7jNaVsioGsQ-KHFBQIjK6S69ZKB3oko1cVa6KWcFXQUMCLwesIY340x3GbUnPsjSDA6e_pxy6/s320/pretty.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So pretty!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The Prime model has a more advanced electric battery that lasts longer and is utilized more often than in the standard Prius. The battery lasts for my daily commute, and then automatically switches to gas, but also recharges the battery using kinetic energy while in gas mode. I wanted a hybrid this time because I didn't want to be limited by battery life. Given that the Camry is still going strong, I also was happy to buy Toyota.<br />
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I got an awesome interest rate from my credit union and it got even better when they gave me a discount for agreeing to auto-pay. It's a 5-year loan, but I want to pay it off in 3 or 4.<br />
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Of course, most experts state that you shouldn't buy new - that it loses value as soon as you drive it off the lot and you should only buy as much car as you can afford in cash. I considered all that, but in the end, I wanted a new car because I wanted to not worry about maintenance or repairs for at least a few years. I'm not that concerned with the value loss since I don't plan to sell it - like ever. I also wanted <i>this </i>new car, and the market is not yet flooded with used Prius Primes. And my financial situation is what it is. I'm not about to spend my emergency savings on a car, and I can afford the car payment. I also have a lifestyle which just wouldn't work without a reliable car.<br />
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So my point here is to consider all the personal finance expertise out there, and use what you can and discard what you can't..at least for now.<br />
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My long term auto plan is to pay this off as quickly as possible, and then start saving for the next car while I drive this one into the ground. I expect this car to last at least 10 years. I do hope that the next car purchase I make will be entirely in cash, and that I'll be just as happy with that purchase as I am with this one.<br />
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But for now, I'm really happy with my shiny, new car!! <br />
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<br />Aprilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12051174636017409935noreply@blogger.com0